The Life of Emily
by swimmerluver
Summary: Memories from Emily's life starting from the time she first met Richard. Read and review and let me know what you think please! Chapter 1 completely changed!
1. Memories

It's hard to believe that today I turn seventy

**For those of you who have read this before, this is a completely new first chapter. This is not going to be a diary anymore. The second chapter will be the original first one. Thanks for reading!!**

It's hard to believe that today I turn seventy. It feels like only yesterday that I was twenty and young, enjoying the college scene at Smith, the parties, and the men. Well, especially one man. I can't believe that I have been married for almost forty-seven years. Even though Richard and I had our ups and downs, we have worked together and watched our relationship grow. I also can't believe that yesterday, Lorelai and I spent the whole day together. She came over, and we watched old family videos. Surprisingly, there were a lot of times that we did get along. There were times that she told me, "I love you, Mommy". There were times when we played together, and I told her stories, and we were lost in our own little world. Everything on tape looked so warm and comforting. We looked like we were an actual family. The camera wasn't able to capture all of the fights, the lies, the hatred that split us apart. It didn't show any of the fights about Christopher, about her pregnancy. The tapes showed me holding Rory, and smiling. Everything caught on camera was a perfect moment. It made me feel a lot closer to Lorelai. We just sat there on the couch together, and when she left, she actually hugged me goodbye. I can't believe that it took until Lorelai was in her forties to do it, but I think that we are finally able to get along. We have put aside most of our differences, and are able to function almost like any other family should.

All of these memories take me back to when I was twenty. When I went to that fateful Yale party. The day I met the love of my life.


	2. The Party

November 8, 1963

It had started like any normal party. I had worn my new dress that the girls could not stop raving over. I had joked around in the car about our latest men, like I normally did.

Sweetie, my best friend, asked me, "So, Emily, are you expecting a proposal from Samuel any time soon?"

I replied, "I don't know if we're ready for a step like that yet. But if it comes up, I certainly wouldn't turn a catch like him away."

The conversation switched to other topics, but I was too busy thinking about Samuel. He was from an extremely rich family, and if I married him, I would be set. He was a nice enough young man, and becoming Emily Pierson would put me at the top of society once I graduated from Smith.

Once we arrived to Yale, I was in good spirits. As usual, once we walked inside, the guys could not stop staring at us. I looked around, it was the usual crowd. Sweetie and I walked around, waiting for the music to start and the fun to begin. We soon caught up with Mitchell and Samuel, who had, like real gentlemen, brought us food.

As I scanned the dance floor, I recognized everyone. I had danced with most of the men, but had never really been attracted to any of them. My eyes rested on a corner of the room, and my heart started beating extremely fast. There was someone there, someone who I had never seen before. He was tall, and extremely handsome. I quickly looked away, trying to calm the unknown emotions that had sprung up inside of me. Just as I turned my head, his eyes locked on mine, and a bolt of electricity shot through my spine.

I broke away from his gaze, and nonchalantly asked Lisette, who always seems to know everyone and everything about them, "Who's that tall man standing over there?"

She looked over, and replied, "Oh, that's Richard Gilmore. I know, he's quite handsome, isn't he? It's such a shame that he's taken."

I asked, "Taken?"

"He was just engaged last week to Linny Lott. They make a charming couple, but its so sad that he's engaged so early. He didn't give us girls any time to have some fun with him."

I was shocked. Not because I was attracted to this stranger, but because Pennilyn Lott had managed to secure an engagement before I had. I told myself to stop thinking about him, and focus on Samuel so I wouldn't be too far behind. I tried to enjoy the party, and pretended to be interested in the frivolous talk, but I couldn't get my mind off him. He seemed like such a strong, confident young man. Pennilyn Lott isn't fit to be with someone like him. She is a weak, timid little mouse. How on earth did she snag him? I watched her walk up to him, and realized that she wasn't so quiet anymore. She walked up to Richard with a confident spring in her step, and pulled him onto the dance floor. I wasn't about to be upstaged by her, so I pulled Samuel onto the floor.

I love dancing, so I just concentrated on the pure movements, and smiled up at Samuel. I tried to shake this foreign engaged man out of my head, and just focus on the man who was holding my waist. After all, on the way to the party, I had been thinking of marrying him. Surely some Yale boy couldn't change my mind on marriage this quickly. I decided that it was just some petty crush, one last little girl thing to enjoy. What I had with Samuel was the real thing. I had never even heard of the name Gilmore before, whereas everyone knew who the Piersons were.

I smiled up at Samuel, "Have I told you how much I enjoy being with you?"

"Yes, many times, Emily," he said, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from my dress. That is the only thing about Samuel that annoys me. Sometimes I think that he's more interested in my body and the fact that I happen to be one of the more attractive girls on campus than my personality.

The leader of the band playing announced a type of group dance. I'm not sure what it was. It was something new, made up by some of the Yale students. We had to do these complicated dance steps, and change partners every minute or so. It was fun, and it really got our hearts beating. As the dance went on, I found myself calculating exactly when Richard would be my partner. I realized that I wouldn't get a chance to dance with him, and before I could even tell what I was thinking, during the next change I ran up ahead four partners, and pushed the girl who was about to dance with the next guy out of the way. I didn't even think about apologizing-all I knew was that I would get to dance with Richard in four changes.

When I finally got to Richard, I immediately felt stupid for being so rash as to jump ahead in line when he probably wouldn't talk to me.

I was wrong. He said, sounding amused, "Did you just have a seizure back there or did you deliberately push that girl out of Jeff's way?"

I replied back, "I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

He twirled me around. I wasn't even sure of the dance steps now, but I just followed his lead. He said, "Well, I don't care about your notions, I am just glad that I was able to dance with such an enchanting woman."

Enchanting!! He called me enchanting. I tried not to show any emotion as I said, "Well, I suppose you say that to all of the girls, now don't you?"

"What makes you say that?"

I replied, "I don't know, maybe it's the fact that we've known each other for barely thirty seconds?"

He smiled at me, "I don't need to know someone that long to want to get to know them better."

I retorted, "Really? Is that how you won Pennilyn Lott's affections? Told her she was enchanting, and then suddenly she wants to marry you?"

He stiffened, and then it was time for a dance change. I danced over to Mark Fisher, and I let my legs automatically move to the beat of the dance. I didn't even look at Richard once. I was ashamed of myself for even trying to talk with him, after all, he was engaged. What would everyone think of me? Yes, I admitted that I had some type of attraction to him. But attraction used to mean nothing to me. Before tonight, it was marrying the right person with the right amount of money that was important. Not that Richard Gilmore wasn't rich, because I could tell by the way he carried himself that he was going to be someone important someday.

As we switched for the final time, I slowly placed my hands in Michael Rifton's. However, when I looked up, I saw that it was Richard.

I pulled my hands away, shocked, "What are you doing? You can't just push Michael out of the way like that!"

He grinned at me, pulling me back into the dance, "So you're the only one allowed to have some fun?"

I rolled my eyes, "I merely didn't want to dance with one of the boys over there, and I accidentally found myself dancing with you, that's all."

He replied, "Well, if that's true, then my notions were of a more mischievous nature. I realized that I had let go of you without learning your name."

I said, "Well, if I tell you my name, will that make you go away?"

"No. It's only polite to stay here until the dance ends."

The only thought that crossed my head was that he was extremely infuriating. However, no matter how hard I tried to wrench my hands from his, I couldn't bring myself too. Instead, I said, "My name's Emily Johannson. Are you happy now?"

He replied, "Extremely. Emily, my name is Richard Gilmore. Now you seem like an intelligent woman, and I happen to be going to the famous Yale art gallery next Saturday at two. Since you seem like delightful company, it would be nice if you joined me."

I wanted to say yes, badly. But my brains took over my heart as usual, and I told him, "Is the art gallery where you meet all of your women? Did you meet Pennilyn there?"

He sighed in frustration, "You know, Emily, I plan on being a successful business man some day. A business man's job at these functions is to make solid contacts that will last a while. So I went to this party hoping to make some friends, and I found someone who seems like they would be a good friend. Pennilyn is allowed to have friends, so why can't I take you, Emily, my newest friend, to the gallery?"

I wasn't sure what exactly to say back to that, so I just said, "Fine. I'll go to the art gallery with you as friends."

He nodded, "Great. I will meet you there at two." The music ended, and he walked away, leaving me speechless.

I wasn't sure what to do. I thought that I might really like him, but if he was engaged, then I was not going to play that kind of game with him. I knew what guys like him are like, they always want more. An engagement is not going to stop them from lusting after other girls. However, if I just went to the gallery with him as friends, it's not like anything would actually happen. Besides, I had Sam. And I loved him. At least I had thought that I did.


	3. Hole In The Ground

November 15, 1963

Well, I thought to myself, here was the big day. I shouldn't be saying that. It's not a big day, I'm just going to an art gallery to provide some advice to a…to a friend of mine. Why do I keep saying that it's going to be a big day? I don't like Richard at all. If I did, why would I have spent all of last Sunday with Samuel in the park, looking at the sunset and talking about our futures? Even though that had been an extremely uncomfortable topic for me, especially because my mind kept drifting to the night before, at the party, when I met Richard. Stop that, I told myself. Why did I let myself get so emotional over that man? He's nothing special. He's only another classic Yale boy who I am not interested in at all. I forced myself to stop thinking about whether I was attracted to him or not, and started to figure out what exactly one is supposed to wear to an art gallery.

So I walked into the gallery at precisely two o clock. I didn't want to be too early, because I thought that I would seem too eager to see him, and of course I didn't want to be late because that would be rude. I saw him walk in, and I immediately turned away and pretended to be studying a painting. I watched him approach me out of the corner of my eye, and just stood there looking at the painting, not wanting to turn around. I had managed to partly convince myself that week that I hadn't been attracted to him at all. I was scared that if I turned around and looked at him that I would have to confront my feelings.

I wasn't able to just stand there and pretend to be invisible. Richard came right up to me, and said, "Emily! I wasn't sure if you'd come."

I said, without turning around, "I'd never give up a chance to see such amazing artwork."

He said, "Yes, this piece is stunning, isn't it? If you'd just turn around, then I can show you around more."

The sensible part of me was dying to tell him that I could show myself around. Since my brain hadn't been working properly since last weekend, I turned around and followed him around to the various works of arts. Since I love art, I let myself get immersed in the beautiful paintings, and listened as Richard explained them to me. I made sure that I kept focusing on the art, and the art only, because when I did, I let myself think for a moment that Richard was simply an extremely well-versed tour guide. After we were done walking around, we walked inside a café across the street.

As I sat down, I was planning to just get a quick slice of pie and then get back to Smith as quick as possible. While we were in the art gallery, it had been purely business. We had talked like we were just friends meeting up, which, technically, we were. In my mind, however, I kept imagining that I was involved in a sordid affair with the man. Besides, I have never liked cafés, because it was impossible to know exactly where your food was coming from, and what you were putting into your mouth.

He asked me, "So, did you enjoy the gallery?"

I nodded, "Yes, I did. It's amazing how some people can capture so much emotion and simply express what they think."

Richard replied, "I have always been envious of those with such a talent."

The waiter walked over, and Richard said to him, "Two of my usual, please."

I said to him, "I am perfectly capable of ordering for myself."

He shook his head, "The way you look, I doubt that you ever eat."

I protested, "That's not true. Of course I eat. I just prefer not to eat in little establishments like this."

I wasn't sure why I was even being so nice to him. If Samuel had taken me here, I would have demanded that we leave and go somewhere fancy. My brain begged my legs to just get up, and walk out, but I was incapable of moving.

Richard replied, "There's nothing wrong with having new experiences. And I have a feeling you've never tried these."

"Do you eat here often?"

He said, "Yes, this is where the boys and I go. We prefer to eat something different from the gourmet food we always have at home."

I said, a bit coldly, "Well, I prefer to eat food that's edible."

"Relax, Emily. Don't judge before you taste it."

Just then, the waiter brought us over are food. I asked him, "What is this?"

He replied, "Burgers and fries. Don't tell me you've never had them?"

I said, "I told you, already. I don't eat in places like this." I was getting annoyed with him. Besides, I wasn't obligated to eat with him. He only said that I had to go to the art gallery with him.

I got up, "Richard, it's getting late and I have to get back to Smith. I had a lovely time at the gallery."

He looked astonished, "Aren't you going to at least take a bite?"

I grabbed a fry, and ate it quickly. Surprisingly, it was delicious. I wasn't about to let Richard know that. If my mother had seen me in this café, she would have been extremely ashamed of me.

As I started to walk away, Richard caught my arm. He said, "Emily, I promise that next time I will take you out somewhere fancier and more to your liking."

"Next time? Richard, there isn't a next time! You are engaged, and I am going steady with someone. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

He looked very surprised, and then he said coldly, "I don't know why you're making this more than it is. We're just two friends spending time together."

"Well, maybe you should find a new friend to take to this unsanitary hole in the ground."

Richard looked me straight in the eye, "Maybe I will. After all, Pennilyn seems to love it here."

"Good for her. I hope you're happy together." I walked out of the filthy place, and went back to Smith. I was glad that I had found out that Richard was of such a middle-class breeding now, because for a few moments in the gallery I had felt myself falling for him. But now that I knew where he came from, I wasn't about to pursue this relationship any longer. Even though his engagement to Pennilyn Lott was my main excuse for not wanting to spend time with him, I knew that if I really wanted to be with him, then I would find some way to make her disappear. After all, I was Emily Johannson, young and beautiful. A little mouse like Pennilyn Lott was not going to stop me from getting what I wanted. However, I decided that he wasn't worth it. I already had Samuel, and I could tell that he was getting more attracted to me every day. It wouldn't be long before he proposed to me, and then I would be set for life. And I wouldn't have to think about Richard ever again.

Once I got back to Smith, Sweetie asked, "How was the gallery?"

I replied, "The artwork was exquisite. The man, however, was too middle-class for my taste."

She arched an eyebrow, "Is this Richard Gilmore you're talking about? Middle-class? Hardly."

"What are you talking about?"

Sweetie laughed, "You're saying that you've never heard of his family?"

"He took me to a tiny, cockroach infested café. That's definitely not my taste."

Sweetie studied me, "Why are you judging him on his choice of food? I know you're selective, but isn't that going a little too far?"

I ignored her, asking, "If he's such a big deal, then who is he? Who are the Gilmores?


	4. Learning About the Gilmores

"Who are the Gilmores anyway

"_Who are the Gilmores anyway?"_

Sweetie replied, "I must say, Emily, I'm shocked that you don't know who they are. I mean, it's fine that you didn't know Richard; after all, your parents aren't exactly in the Gilmores' social circle. But I never thought that you didn't know who the Gilmores were! In fact, I thought that that was the reason you sought out Richard."

I was extremely shocked and not sure which area I should bring up first. I looked Sweetie square in the eye, "I did _not_ go to the art gallery with Richard because I thought he was important."

Sweetie said, "You know that I adore you Emily, I really do. But every man that you've dated has been in an attempt to move up in society."

I replied, "Isn't that our purpose in life? To go to college, make a match, learn a bit in the process, and then enter society? Of course I'm going to want to be with a man who will be able to support me."

"I dated a man who didn't have a penny, and it was a very enjoyable experience."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, but did you end up with that pauper? No, you ended up with Mitchell, who will probably be a very successful businessman someday. Besides, I've already told you, I had no idea who Richard was when I accepted his invitation to the art gallery. I just happen to love fine works of art. You haven't answered my question. Who is he? And why wouldn't my family be in their social circle? You and I both know exactly how high up the Johanssons are in society."

Sweetie told me, "Richard's family has practically owned the insurance business ever since people started wanting their property insured. The family is not as important as they were about twenty-five years ago, but Richard is definitely set for life. Don't look so shocked that your family isn't part of their social circle; it's not your fault. Lorelai Gilmore has got to be one of the most fastidious women I know. She probably didn't like one of your mother's outfits twenty years ago or something."

I could not believe that, for once, Sweetie actually knew more gossip than I did. I shook my head, "I'm not going to let some fashion faux pas of my mother's get into my way of coming on top of society. I'm just going to have to make sure I get to know Richard better."

Sweetie said, "Emily, you just basically wrote off this man because you didn't like the café he took you too. Now you want to go after him to make sure that you're invited to a couple more parties than usual. Tell me the truth. How do you feel about Richard Gilmore?"

If this were any other girl, then I would've brushed her off, saying that she was acting ridiculous. Sweetie, however, was different. She was my closest friend, and for some reason I had a feeling that she knew more about my feelings than I did. I replied slowly, "I really don't know. I love Samuel, I really do."

She sighed, "Emily, I don't think you love Samuel at all. I don't even think you're that attracted to him. When you say the name Richard, you blush without even knowing it, and you just look happier."

I rolled my eyes, "What on earth are you talking about? Saying a person's name does not make a person happier. And don't tell me who I love and who I don't. If I weren't attracted to Samuel, then why would I still be with him?"

I walked into my bedroom, and shut the door. I wasn't angry with Sweetie, in fact, I was angrier with myself. I had been ready to tell Sweetie how confused I was. To me, love was something that you gained over time, through trust, and I did trust Sam very much. It irked me that she could just dismiss what Samuel and I had built up over time for some new, arrogant man. I had been ready to talk it out with her. Now I just wanted to lie down and forget that I had ever met Richard Gilmore. I couldn't understand why I had such a crush on the man in the first place. He was definitely not my type.

Sweetie walked into my room a few minutes later. She hesitated, and then said, "Emily, I didn't want to get you mad at me. I just wanted you to see what's right in front of you, that's all. "

I shook my head, "I wasn't mad at you, I would just rather not talk about men anymore."

She nodded, "So are you still going to go to Lisette's party with me?"

"Of course I am, Sweetie, don't be ridiculous."

For the next few days, I managed to almost forget about Richard. I spent lots of time with Sam, and everything seemed back to normal. The only problem was that I kept seeing Pennilyn Lott _everywhere_. No matter where I turned, she was there, and it seemed like she was smirking at me, flaunting the fact that she was going to get married to a Gilmore, that she would be at the top of society.

I told myself that the only way I could be happy was if I knew my future. So I started spending more time with Samuel, and dropping hints about our life together.

Our relationship was going better than it had ever been before. That is, until I went to Yale with the girls for another party. I knew that Richard would be there, but I told myself that there was no way that I was still attracted to him.

The first hour of the party went pretty well. I ate a few cocktails, and practically led the conversation.

When the dancing started, I made sure to dance with everyone, not just Samuel, because I was in the mood for some fun.

While I was dancing with some rather handsome boy, Richard came up and asked if he could cut in. I rolled my eyes, but the boy let go of my hands, and I reluctantly placed them in Richard's.

He smiled at me, "You look lovely tonight, Emily."

Even though I didn't want to have to deal with Richard, I responded politely, "Why, thank you, Richard."

We made small talk for a while, and as we danced closer, I couldn't help but noticing how amazing he smelled. I was about to lean closer, and inhale, when I realized that this was Richard, the man who I had been trying to avoid.

He looked at me, "Emily, things didn't go so well between us at the art gallery. Would you give me a second chance?"


	5. Realization

_Would you give me a second chance?_

I looked away from him, telling myself firmly to not cave in. After all, Emily Johansson didn't do second chances. It had been a mistake accepting his first invitation to the art gallery, anyway. I wasn't one of those girls who would just swoon at the sight of a handsome man. I was strong, and independent, and I knew that I would not be giving up any of my time to an engaged man, no matter how good it felt to be dancing with him, and touching his hands.

I looked back up at him, and realized that he was waiting for me to respond. I said, "Richard, I'm a busy woman. I don't have time for second chances."

He replied, "Not even for me?"

"What makes you think that you're different from any other guy?" I didn't even wait for him to respond, because, luckily, the music ended just in time. I said, "The song's over, Richard, I'll talk to you later-you can fill me in on the wedding plans."

As I walked back to the girls, I turned around, and he looked so sad for a moment. It made me want to go back to him and comfort him. I shook that ridiculous thought out of my head. As if I would ever comfort a man, especially not Richard.

As I was about to go and see what Sweetie was up to, Samuel grabbed my hand and pulled me outside on the patio, and started to kiss me. I pulled back, startled, "Sam, what are you doing?"

He replied, "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're trying to pull me away from one of my closest friend's fiancé's parties."

He looked exasperated, "I'm not trying to pull you away, Emily, this is part of the party."

I was getting annoyed with him, and all other boys, as a matter of fact. As I looked around, I saw couples kissing everywhere. Didn't anyone have any self-respect? I quickly leaned in, kissed him, and then pulled away. I whispered, "Maybe later". I walked back in and disappeared into the crowd as quickly as possible, knowing that I would make sure I wasn't alone with Samuel the rest of the night.

As I walked back, I saw Richard and Pennilyn sitting down at a table in the corner, looking _very _comfortable. I turned around, and decided that dancing with Sam wouldn't be that bad. I walked back over to him with a confident spring in my step.

He asked me, "Is it later yet?"

I rolled my eyes, "No, but I would like to dance with my favorite man. Is that allowed?"

I steered him closer and closer to the corner where I'd seen Richard. I leaned in extremely closed to him, and whispered, "I'm having an amazing time tonight, Sam, especially because I'm with you."

I glanced over at Richard again, and saw that his body was currently entwined with Pennilyn's. Disgusting.

Sam responded, "I'm glad, Emily. I've been wanting to get closer to you for a very long time."

I wasn't what exactly he was getting at. He could've been trying to propose to me, or trying to get me to start kissing him again. I had a feeling that it was the latter. I looked over Samuel's shoulder again, and saw that Richard was staring at me again. I whispered to Samuel, "Then what better time is there to get closer?"

I leaned in and kissed him, more aggressively than normal. Normally, while I was kissing Samuel, my mind would wander. I would think about what I planned to wear the next day, or about the latest gossip. I would never think about what it felt like to be kissing him. This time, however, I was thinking about what Richard's face would look like. I wondered if he would be jealous. I shook that thought out of my head immediately, though, obviously he wouldn't be jealous. Suddenly, my mind wandered to what it would be like kissing Richard. That thought startled me, and I pulled away quickly. As I looked up, my eyes met Richard's and he was glaring at Samuel.

Sam asked me, "What's wrong, Emily?"

"Samuel, we're in a public place. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

He shrugged, "What does that have to do with anything? I like it when people see that I'm with you."

"Well, that's flattering, Sam, but I like to uphold my reputation. Wasn't that enough for you? Normally, I wouldn't even dream of doing what I did today in public."

He relented a little, "Does that mean that I actually mean something to you? Because most of the time, I'm not so sure."

I wanted to tell him, that no, I would've have even gone near him if I hadn't wanted to make Richard jealous, and that if Richard weren't engaged, then I would've most likely left him already.

Instead, I answered, "Of course you mean something to me. You know that I hate to waste my time."

The second after I reassured Samuel, I gasped. The words _I hate to waste my time_ ricocheted in my head. Richard and Pennilyn weren't married. They had only made an agreement. Engagements were broken all the time, it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

I realized that I was done denying any attraction that I had to Richard. Even though I desperately wanted to marry Samuel, I physically wanted Richard. And that was something that I'd never felt before.

I glanced over at Richard again, and suddenly all of my hopes fell. He was with Pennilyn, and engagements did matter. If Richard broke his engagement to Pennilyn, it would be scandalous, especially when everyone knew it was because of me. And what if Richard did break off his engagement, and decided to start dating me, and then things didn't work out? I would never be able to find a match again. I would be a cursed woman, doomed to go out into the workforce and make a living for myself. I would be known as a home-wrecker. I glanced at Samuel. He was good enough. He would take care of me. The song ended, and I led Samuel off the dance floor. I decided that, if Richard came to me, that I would let him into my life, piece by piece. I would give him his second chance, even if it went against all of my beliefs.

And if he didn't come after me? Then I'd live happily ever after as Emily Pierson. Everything, hopefully, would work out.

**Thanks for reading-please review!!**


	6. Letters

The next week, I was finishing up a paper, when Sweetie walked in

The next week, I was finishing up a paper, when Sweetie walked in. She said, "I just went to the mailroom to see if Mitchell had written me, and he hadn't. However, I happened to notice three letters for you. I'm hoping that they're not all from different men because that would make me insanely jealous of you."

I laughed, "That's ridiculous, Sweetie, who would write me besides Samuel? Anyway, you have your own Prince Charming."

"Are you talking about the Prince Charming who hasn't contacted me for a week? Do you think he's found someone else? Someone who isn't afraid to give it up to him?"

Sweetie had been very nervous the past few weeks, because Mitchell had wanted to go all the way with her, and she, like a sensible girl, had declined. I thought that it had made Mitchell respect her even more; after all, it showed that she wasn't like that despicable girl, Pennilyn Lott, who probably had had sex already, just because she was desperate. I hated the thought of that though, because that meant it was most likely with Richard.

I waved my hand dismissively at Sweetie, "Mitchell has much more sense than that, Sweetie. He's probably just busy with schoolwork."

I reached over her, and picked up my letters. I opened the first one.

_Dear Emily_

_When is your break? It's so boring here without you. Mother's making me help her with all of these stuffy DAR functions. I wish that you were there, because then she'd make you help, and I could visit Brian. Don't tell Mother about him, though. He's this boy who I met at the park who goes to public school. I know you would say, that's so risky, and Mother would blanche. But I'm not like you or Mother. And Brian is really, really, really, handsome. I'm done talking about my life, now, so just write back and tell me when you're coming home. I really miss you!!_

_Love Always,_

_Your sister, Hope_

Sweetie asked, "Who's it from?"

"Oh, just my annoying sister. You know Hope."

Sweetie smiled, "I love Hopie! What's she up to?"

I replied, "The usual-dating paupers off the street and going behind my mother's back."

"Well, that's Hope for you! I think she's enchanting. I wouldn't mind being her."

Everyone always said that. Everyone loved everything about Hope. She was had an infectious personality, but she could care less about the proper rules of society, which, to me, was an unforgivable offense.

I opened the next letter. It was from Samuel.

_Emily,_

_I really need to see you sometime soon. I know that you love the parties, and that they're the only reasons that you ever come to Yale. But did you ever think of coming to Yale to see me? My roommate is going to be busy on Friday, which means that I'll be all alone in my apartment. Come and visit me, Emily, we haven't been alone in a long time._

_Samuel_

I told Sweetie, "Samuel wants me to come to his apartment, so we can be alone. Should I go?"

"If you have nothing better to do, then I don't see the harm in going. Just don't get too carried away."

I nodded, and opened my last letter. I wasn't planning on getting "carried away" with Samuel at all.

_Dear Emily,_

_I can tell by now that you're not interested in talking to me, it's very obvious. I'm writing you this one last time because I hate that you're mad at me. I want to make up our disastrous first meeting at the café. I promise that I'll take you to the fanciest restaurant that I know, and I'll spend a thousand dollars on you. I don't know why I haven't given up on you yet, but I do know that I want to get to spend some time with you._

_Richard_

I reread that last letter three times, until the words finally sunk in. Richard wanted to spend some time with me. He wanted his second chance. I had already decided that I was done ignoring him. I decided that I would write back, and I would go to this restaurant with him. I would give him his second chance. This was exactly what I had been waiting for.

After a lot of thought, and page-long letters telling Richard that I wanted to go out with him, that I wasn't mad at him, and that he didn't need to spend a thousand dollars, I still had no idea what to write. In a fit of frustration, I wrote this up, and sealed it in an envelope before I could change my mind.

_Richard,_

_When and where?_

_Emily_

Sweetie had been looking over my shoulder. She said, "Well, that goes straight to the point, Emily.

"I couldn't write him an actual letter! It wouldn't sound right. These things are done better quickly."

She asked me, "What things?"

I said, "I just couldn't think of anything to say. It all sounded so fake."

She said, matter-of-factly, "Well, maybe that's because you've never had to express your feelings on paper before. It's all been fake for you. It's easy to pretend to be affectionate with Samuel, but it's not so easy when every word and action could change a person's mind about you. It's not so easy when you actually feel something towards the person."

She was partly right. It wasn't as if I had met Richard and suddenly dismissed Samuel out of my thoughts. There was still something between Samuel and me. However, there was something else, something different between Richard and me that I had to figure out. I wasn't about to let Sweetie know that, though.

"Don't be ridiculous. If I didn't want Samuel, then why would I be accepting his offer?"

I quickly wrote Samuel a letter, telling him that I would find a way to his apartment on  
Friday. I was pretty satisfied with myself. I had one man that would do anything for me, and one man that was confusing, but extremely exciting. I would just go and try to be myself with Richard. If his "second chance" went well, then I would consider trying to start some sort of a relationship with Richard. If not, well, then I always had Samuel


	7. Lust and Proposals

Dear Emily

_Dear Emily_

_I was afraid that you wouldn't respond, after all, we haven't been on the best of terms. I was excited to receive your letter, and now I will answer your questions. When? Saturday night. Where? Why don't you meet me at my apartment and we'll see where things go from there?_

_Richard_

I stared at this letter for a minute, and then put it down, deep in thought. It was odd. Two men had asked me to their apartments. With Samuel, well, I knew where he thought that was going. With Richard, however, I could tell he sincerely wanted to see me and talk. That was a bit sweet, even though it was coming from an engaged man who I shouldn't have been meeting in the first place.

On Friday night, I got dressed for my date with Samuel. I wanted to make sure that he knew I was still interested in him, because I certainly didn't want him to lose interest in me.

Sweetie sat on her bed, watching me get dressed glumly. I walked over to her, and said, "Sweetie, you can't mope forever. If you want to see Mitchell that badly, then go and talk to him."

She sighed, "I can't just go to him. He should come to me."

"If I loved Mitchell as much as you do, then I would go to him and let him know that. Besides, you two are still together. He just hasn't contacted you in a while. That shouldn't stop you. Come with me to Yale tonight. Mitchell and Samuel live in the same building."

She shook her head, "No, I'm going to be strong for once, like you. You wouldn't actually go to him. If you believed what you were saying to me, then you'd be with Richard already. But it's not that simple, is it?"

"Sweetie, please don't use me as an example. You and Mitchell are already together. You're past the complicated games that are necessary to play when you're trying to figure out what your feelings are. You know that you love the man. So what's stopping you?"

Sweetie thought for a moment, "I could ask you the same question, Emily."

I looked at my watch, "I'm late. And I don't know who I love. Or what I feel. So it's different."

As I walked out the door, I was a little annoyed with myself. After all, I hadn't wanted to even admit to myself that I was confused about my feelings for Richard, but I had gone and told Sweetie anyway.

I got to Samuel's apartment, and said, "So what's on the itinerary tonight?"

He grinned, pulled me closer, and started to kiss me. This was our usual routine. We would spent some time alone, and then go out. Tonight, I noticed something different, though. I was a bit annoyed that he hadn't even bothered to say hello to me, and I also felt that he was looking for something more than usual. My suspicions were confirmed when he lowered me onto the bed. I usually would've stopped him at this point, and begged him to get me something to eat. However, I knew that if I wanted to keep him, and I did, for the moment, that I would have to let him get just a little bit farther than usual. For the next few minutes, I enjoyed his touch on my skin. Even though I had been a little distracted from him lately, I still was attracted to him. He was a very good looking man, and, when I let all of the warnings from my brain disappear, I was able to enjoy myself with him. I was broken out of my thoughts when I felt his hands creeping up my shirt. For a moment, I thought that I would let him get closer, after all, we had been together for six months already. But then my thoughts shifted to Richard, and how I would feel if his hands were where Samuel's were going, and I grabbed Samuels hands and put them back onto my waist. He pulled away from me, disappointed.

Breathless, he asked, "What's wrong, Em?"

Em. I hated that ridiculous nickname. I replied, "Nothing's wrong, I just think that we've been alone for enough time tonight."

He sighed, frustrated, "Emily. Don't you want to be with me?"

Not at the moment. "Of course I do, Sam. It's just that I've had enough for tonight."

"Emily, tell me the truth. When are we actually going to get to be together?"

Not for a very long time if I get my way. I replied, "Samuel, we're together right now. That should be good enough for you. I promise, sometime, once I know that you're the man I'm going to be with for the rest of my life, then we'll get closer."

He nodded. I knew that he would hasten up his proposal to me now. I was proud of myself. I hadn't let a man like Richard derail my future. I would go out with him tomorrow, and then I'd see exactly how I felt. To show Samuel that the night wasn't over, I leaned in, and whispered, "That doesn't mean that we can't spend more time together, though." He seemed satisfied with that, and we began to kiss again. I had been sufficiently distracted, though, and this time, I couldn't get my mind off of what tomorrow would be like.

When I got home, I asked Sweetie, "Why is it that all boys only care about one thing?"

She sighed, "Did Samuel pull a Mitchell?"

I nodded, "Basically. Except I worked it out in a way that I'm pretty sure he'll propose to me ."

"That's great, Emily, but you don't want him to propose to you, do you?"

"Of course I do. I need to have a future lined up. Any sensible woman would do the same as me."

Sweetie nodded, "Well, you seem to be pretty confident in what you're doing, but I just hope one of you doesn't get hurt."

"What do you mean?"

"If you decide you love Richard, then Samuel will get hurt. And if you hold out on Samuel too long, and don't get Richard, then you'll get hurt."

I saw what she meant. But I was Emily Johansson. I always ended up getting what I wanted, and I knew that I could make this work to my advantage.

The next night, I spent three hours getting ready. Sweetie was out with some friends of ours in an attempt to show herself that she could have fun without Mitchell, who still hadn't contacted her. I had just figured out the perfect outfit when there was a frantic knock at my door. I opened it, and was surprised to see Mitchell.

He whispers, "Is Melissa here?" Melissa was Sweetie's real name.

"No, but I doubt she'd want to see you anyway."

He runs his hand through his hair, "I wanted to call her, I really did, but I needed everything to be perfect."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

He shook his head, "Emily, don't you see? When I last saw Melissa, I knew that I loved her."

I raised an eyebrow, "So you tried to push her to do something she wasn't ready for?"

He sighed, "I couldn't help myself. I love her so much, and at that moment, I really needed to be with her. But I respect her decisions completely. And that's why I'm going to ask her to marry me."

"Well, this is a surprise, Mitchell. I have a date in a few minutes, but let me know how I can help you."

He shook his head, "I want to do this by myself. Just get Melissa over here."

I knew she was at Lisette's house, so I called her and explained the issue. I trusted her to figure out a reason to get her back here. I hugged Mitchell excitedly, and then left for my night out with Richard. I just hoped that when I got back that Sweetie and Mitchell would be engaged, and that I would be in charge of their wedding. I also hoped that, after spending some time with Richard, my head would clear up, and I would know exactly what I wanted.

**Sorry for so much Samuel…don't worry, the next chapter is all Richard. Thanks for reading, and please please please review!!**


	8. Dinner

I nervously walked up to Richard's apartment, and knocked on his door

I nervously walked up to Richard's apartment, and knocked on his door. His eyes lit up when he saw me. "You look beautiful, Emily. Come in for a moment."

He looked even more handsome than he had before. I resisted the urge to reach up and brush a stray piece of hair out of his eyes. I walked in behind him, thinking that Samuel hadn't called me beautiful in a very long time, and he was the one who I was dating. Richard seemed like the polite sort of gentleman who would call anyone beautiful, especially Pennilyn Lott. I asked, "What exactly are we doing tonight?"

He replied, "Well, I just wanted you to know that I am perfectly capable of taking you somewhere that you will enjoy."

I almost wanted to apologize for my rude behavior the other day at the café. But I had no reason to apologize. After all, he should know better than to take a young lady to a place like that. If this were any other man, I would most likely still be wary of him. Actually, if Sweetie hadn't told me who exactly Richard Gilmore was, I wouldn't have bothered with him again, no matter how handsome I thought he was.

"What are we waiting for, then?"

He opened the door for me. "Ladies first."

I smiled at him, surprised on how much of a gentleman he actually was. I walked out the door, and we linked arms as he guided me towards wherever we were going. It was strange. I felt so comfortable with him already, like we'd been walking arm in arm our whole lives. I could do this. I could handle being his friend for the moment. As we continued our walk down the beautiful pathways of Yale, I realized that we were in plain view. Anyone could see us. And that made walking with him even better. Then I realized that he was engaged, and I pulled my arm away from him. I asked, "Does Pennilyn know that we're going out tonight?"

He looked surprised, and a bit annoyed that I had brought her up, "Pennilyn doesn't have to know every time I make an appointment with a friend. Did you tell Samuel where you were going tonight?"

"No, of course not. Samuel and I aren't engaged."

Just as I was considering letting people see us arm in arm, I recognized Robert Bollinger, one of Samuel's best friends. I was alarmed, because if Robert was around, then Samuel might be near. I wanted to break away from Richard and pretend that I didn't know him, but then I realized that I really had nothing to hide. It was just as Richard had said, I was only on an appointment with a friend. Luckily, Robert was too busy ogling a pretty girl walking by to notice that his best friend's girlfriend was on the arm of another man.

We finally arrived at Richard's car, which was on the other side of campus. We sat in the car silently for a few moments, and then Richard broke the silence, "So, Emily, I really don't know much about you. I know that you like to cut in front of people when its time to dance, and I know that you don't forgive easily, but, beside that, I know nothing about you, and I would like to know more."

I wasn't sure what to say, so I just said, "Can't that wait until dinner?"

He looked at me, amused, "How do you know I'm taking you to dinner?"

"Because it's time for dinner, and if you actually wanted me to forgive you, you'd be taking me somewhere that serves decent food."

He gave me a smile that made me shiver, "Fine. We're here anyway."

We stepped out of the car, and he led me into a restaurant. We walked in, and it was very beautiful. So different from our last time together. It was crowded, but Richard had already made reservations. The hostess led us to a charming table in a romantic corner of the restaurant. As I sipped my lemon water, I said, "You wanted to know about me. I'll tell you about me if you give me some information about you first."

He laughed, "I asked you first, Emily."

"Yes, and I will answer you after you answer me."

"You're impossible, Emily."

I smiled triumphantly, because I knew that I'd gotten my way. I wasn't sure why I had demanded to hear about him first, but I had won, so that was all that mattered. Over delicious Italian food, he told me, "Well, my name's Richard Gilmore, and I've lived in Hartford my whole life. I happen to be extremely interested in economics, and I like to play golf. I also find it interesting when a beautiful girl pushes poor men out of the way so that they can dance with me. Your turn."

I brushed him off, "Oh, now. I wasn't trying to dance with you."

He smiled, "I happen to disagree."

I ignored him, "My name is Emily Johansson. I've also lived in the top of Hartford society my whole life. My mother chairs the DAR, and I hope to follow in her footsteps someday. I love history, which is why I'm majoring in it."

"My mother is always going on about her role in society."

I didn't think much about his mother, after all, she'd alienated my family. However, if I could get us back into her good graces, then my mother would forever be in debt to me. I replied, "That's odd. I don't recall ever going to any of her functions."

"Well, she has a set of friends that she always invites. Perhaps she doesn't know your mother."

"Ridiculous. Everyone knows my mother." It was funny. I wasn't even on the best terms with my mother, in fact, I couldn't remember the last time we'd had a proper conversation, and here I was, defending her,

Richard took a bite of his steak, "I don't have Trix's rules memorized, Emily. I would rather spend a nice evening with you then discuss her."

"Trix?"

"That's just my pet name for her. I'm really quite fond of her, you know."

I forced a smile, "That's great."

We sat awkwardly in silence, until I said, "So, tell me, Richard, why did you ask me out tonight?"

He replied, "Because I felt that we had never gotten to have a chance to talk. We'd danced, and even gone to an art gallery, but I knew absolutely nothing about you. And I still don't, really."

"Well, I'm glad we had a chance to talk." I was so into the conversation that I forgot all about reality. I sighed, "It's really too bad that we won't get too many more chances."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, you're going to have a lot more responsibilities and expectations to live up to. If your mother is who she is, then I'm sure she's expecting you and Pennilyn to get married as soon as possible. You're going to have to find a job. You won't have time for conversations with college friends."

He replied, "Why is it always necessary for you to bring up Pennilyn?"

"I'm only stating reality, Richard."

He relaxed, "Well, I'd rather not live reality tonight. Tonight I'd rather spend time with you.

I wanted to push the issue farther, but I wasn't in the mood anymore. I wished that I could forget that he was engaged. I smiled at him, "This was really lovely. I had a marvelous time tonight."

"Me too, Emily. I really did."

I looked into his eyes, and I froze. He was leaning towards me, and it only seemed natural that we should kiss, after all, he was a man, and I was a woman, and the thought of us kissing was so pleasant. Suddenly, I woke up from whatever frozen state I was in, and leaned away just as he was about to kiss me on the lips. I looked away from him, and took a few deep breaths.

We finished our dinner quickly, and he drove me home. We exchanged some more pleasant conversation, but it was very awkward. When I got home, Sweetie, predictably, wasn't there. She was most likely out celebrating her engagement with Mitchell. I got undressed, and lay down. I had thought that everything would be clear after I had gone out with Richard. It was clear, in a way. I knew who I had stronger feelings for. But I knew that Richard could never leave Pennilyn, after all, his mother had great expectations for him. I lay awake that night, trying to imagine living with Samuel, planning parties for him, bearing his children, and I couldn't imagine it. I knew I would have to go through with it. I wasn't a dreamer, and I wasn't about to let Richard toy with my emotions anymore. He and Pennilyn were getting married, and that was that.


	9. Surprises

The next morning, when Sweetie woke up, I confronted her, "Did Mitchell ask you to marry him

The next morning, when Sweetie woke up, I confronted her, "Did Mitchell ask you to marry him? Did you say yes? Tell me all the details!"

She replied sleepily, "How do you know?"

"Oh, never mind that. He told me a few minutes before, that's all. Do you need any help planning your wedding?"

She rolled her eyes, "So that's why you're interested in whether or not I'm engaged! You want to know if you can plan another party!"

"Sweetie, don't be ridiculous. I want to know because you're my best friend. The fact that I happen to be good at planning parties is definitely not as important."

She laughed, "So Lisette calls and tells me to get over to the apartment as quickly as possible. I thought that something happened to you, Emily, and I was really worried. Then I got there, and Mitchell was there with a bouquet of flowers. He apologized for not contacting me for the past few days, and then asked me to marry him. And of course I said yes."

"That's so exciting, Sweetie. I'm so happy for you."

She grinned, "Want to be my maid-of-honor?"

I gave her a hug, "I'd be honored to." At least she was happy. She had a future. Now it was my turn to figure out what my future was.

The next weekend, I had another date with Samuel. I tried my best to enjoy myself, but it was impossible. The odd thing was that he looked very nervous. I decided that I would just have to pretend I was out with a friend, which actually worked, because Samuel and I were friends long before we ever got together. That strategy worked, and I ended up almost enjoying myself. Samuel talked about his job prospects for the next year, and I slid in advice where I could. After all, I needed to make sure he had a suitable job. He was bright, but he had never had to work much in his life. If I decided to stay with him, then I would have to steer him in the right direction, after all, I do know what's best for him.

After dessert, Samuel suggested, "Why don't we head back to my apartment, and then take a nice walk?"

I wasn't exactly in the mood, but, if I kept ignoring him, he would start to think that something was up. I had barely had any feelings for him ever since I first lay eyes on Richard, but I had managed to stay with him. I was working solidly towards a proposal, which I would hopefully get in a month or so. I had promised myself that I would see how things between Richard and I went before alienating myself from Richard.

I smiled, "Only for a little bit. You know how I hate driving in the dark."

We went back to his apartment. I wondered if he actually cared about my personality enough to have a conversation. I knew that there was far more to relationships than the physical side of things, but I knew that I wouldn't really have a spiritual connection with anyone until we were married, and my body was not the main thing. I had even wondered sometimes what it was like to be unattractive. I knew plenty of women who weren't stunningly beautiful, and they were happy, because they had found someone to talk to, someone who would listen to how they felt. As an attractive young woman, that wasn't an option for me. Samuel would much rather have his hands all over me than have a philosophical discussion about our relationship.

As predicted, I sat on his bed, and we started kissing. Surprisingly, he stopped. I was relieved, and thought that we would actually get to talk. Instead, he got off the bed, and knelt down in front of me. My heart froze. Either he had dropped something on the floor, or he was about to propose to me, which was preposterous, because it was too soon. I couldn't move, so I just looked down at him in disdain, pretending that I had no idea why he was groveling on the floor like a beggar.

He looked up at me, "Emily, you're the most beautiful woman that I know. The moment that I saw you, I knew that I wanted to be with you. I love you, Em. Will you marry me?"

I had been waiting for this moment ever since I'd sought Samuel out because he was a Pierson. Everything had been planned perfectly. I'd seduced him until he was right in the palm of my hand. But now that I had him, I wasn't sure why I'd ever wanted him in the first place. I wanted to say yes, badly. I knew that my parents would approve. And maybe that was why I looked up at him, and said, "Samuel, this is so unexpected. I really need some time to think."

He looked absolutely shocked, "But, Emily, I thought that this was what you wanted. You haven't treated me the best, but I still stuck with you. I thought that once we were together, that you would actually love me the way I love you."

Now it was my turn to be shocked. I never realized that he'd actually felt anything for me. I wanted to correct him, to say, no, Samuel, it's not love you're feeling, it's lust, but I couldn't say anything. For the first time I realized that I had been stringing Samuel along. I almost felt bad for a moment, but then I focused on myself again. I replied, "Samuel, I just need a day to process. I promise that I'll let you know by tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow I'll be at a frat party."

I rolled my eyes. Obviously I wasn't _that_ important to him. I took a deep breath, "Fine. Then I'll let you know the next night."

He sighed, "I really don't understand what requires consideration, Emily. We've been together for a while now."

"Samuel, I told you that I'd get back to you. Now please don't make me any more frustrated than I already am."

I leaned down, gave him a perfunctory kiss, and whispered, "I'll let you know."

I walked out of there with my head spinning. I knew that I had just made an idiotic move. Any girl would die to get the chance to marry Samuel Pierson. I had received many the glare from jealous girls who had seen us together at parties. I used to think that I was the luckiest girl in the world for being able to snag him. How could so much have changed in a few months?

The next morning, I told Sweetie about what had happened. I knew that she would be my only friend that would support me in my decision. Besides, she was the only one who knew about my feelings for Richard. We decided to go shopping for her wedding dress to keep me occupied.

As we were browsing through stores, she said, "I would be ecstatic if we could have a double wedding, which is why I was excited when you told me about Samuel's proposal. But I was even more excited when I found out you didn't say yes."

"What makes you say that? You don't want to see me happy?"

She laughed, "That's exactly why I didn't want you to say yes. You won't be happy with Samuel, he's so boring. Someone like Pennilyn Lott belongs with him."

I sighed, "Tell that to the happily engaged couple."

She shook her head, "Happily engaged? A happily engaged man doesn't find himself suddenly obsessed with another woman."

"Please. He is not obsessed with me. If he was obsessed with me, then he would've left Pennilyn already."

"Maybe he's just waiting for you to make the move. He's not in any position to right now, but if you let him know that you're interested, well…that might change his mind."

I replied, "I shouldn't be interested. I was just proposed to by Samuel Pierson. Isn't that every girl's dream?"

Sweetie laughed, "Emily, you know that you're nothing like the other girls."

I said, "If that's true, then I should be the one who ends up with Prince Charming."

She glanced through the window of a bridal shop, and walked in, "Emily, you've got to make a decision. You have to figure out who you love. The longer that you prolong this, people like Samuel, Pennilyn, and even Richard are going to get hurt."

I scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous. How on earth would anyone but myself get hurt?"

"Samuel does want to be with you. He's put up with quite a lot. Not many men would stay with a woman who has barely shown an interest to them. And, as for Pennilyn and Richard, what if you do choose Samuel, and then realize you made the wrong choice? By then, Richard would be married, and you'd end up having an affair with him."

"If I married Samuel, then I would never cheat on him! I would just be happy with what I have, which is what I should be doing now."

She replied, "Emily, you've changed a lot since you started dating Samuel. And once a person changes that much without the other changing with them, then the relationship isn't going to work out. Why did you start dating Samuel?"

I sighed, "Because he was a Pierson."

She nodded, "Fine. Why did you suddenly find it necessary to make sure you'd be dancing with Richard at that party?"

I blushed, and then said softly, "I don't know. It was like someone else was controlling me, as if I had no control over my actions."

Sweetie smiled triumphantly, "How do you feel when you're around him compared to how you feel around Samuel?"

I knew where she was leading, and didn't want to answer, but I knew that we would never finish the conversation if I didn't tell her the truth. I sighed, "I really don't know, Sweetie. I'm comfortable with Samuel."

"Comfortable and in love are definitely not the same thing. I don't think that you know what love is, Emily. I do, I have it with Mitchell, and I'm pretty sure that if you gave him a chance, then you would have it with Richard. Now, don't respond, because I know that you'll just try to convince yourself that you do love Richard. We're here to look for wedding dresses, so let's do that."

After walking around for another hour, we finally gave up. I was too distracted to be able to think of her wedding, and she didn't like any of the dresses that we saw. We were heading out to dinner when we passed by this beautiful dress shop. I started to walk inside. Sweetie stopped me, "Emily? What are you doing? This isn't a bridal shop."

I kept walking, "You need bridesmaids' dresses for a wedding, don't you?"

She sighed, and followed me into the store. We walked around for a few minutes, and were about to leave when I saw it. It was the most stunning blue dress that I'd ever seen. Sweetie saw it at the same time, and said excitedly, "Try it on, Emily, I have a feeling that it would look perfect on you!"

I went into the dressing room, and Sweetie helped me zip it up in the back. The mirror was behind me, and before I could turn around and look, Sweetie gasped, "There is no way that that's going to be my bridesmaids' dress!"

I sighed, "Does it look that horrible on me?"

She laughed, "No, silly, it looks amazing! Haven't you ever heard that the bridesmaids can't look more beautiful than the bride?"

I turned around, and almost didn't recognize myself. The dress hugged my curves in all of the right places, and, with my long red hair down, I looked extremely stunning. The blue in the dress brought out the color in my eyes, and if I stared into the mirror long enough, I almost looked sultry. If I had walked out into the street looking the way I did, then I wouldn't last two seconds without some odd man wanting to take me home.

I smiled at Sweetie, "I think that I'm going to get it."

She nodded, "You definitely should, but, wherever you wear it, I'm not standing with you!"

I brushed her off with an ,"Oh, now."

I took the dress off, and paid for it. We went out to dinner, and discussed wedding details. Luckily, the subject stayed far away from my issues. As we got back into Sweetie's car, I had finally decided what I was going to do.

I told her, "If you don't mind, can we stop off at Yale? I have a frat party to crash."

She nodded, "I don't know what you're going to do, and I'm not going to ask. All I'm saying is that you need to look good doing it. I'll drive you if you put the dress back on and let me do your makeup."

I replied, "Oh, all right. It certainly won't hurt."

We got to Yale, and I walked towards where the frat party was. This decision would change my life. Both Richard and Samuel were in that room, and I had to choose between them. I took a deep breath, and walked into the apartment.


	10. Thief

I scanned the rather large apartment. I was certainly out of place there. There were mostly men drinking beer, and a few girls here and there, but none of them dressed as fancily as I was. I ignored the many stares that I was receiving and realized that I would definitely regret showing up unannounced at this party. As I turned into different rooms, I realized that, if I saw the wrong guy, everything would be ruined. I turned into a corner, and spotted him speaking with a few of his friends. I quickly made my way over to him, and watched his eyes lit up with a playful surprise. He said, "Emily, what are you doing here?"

I froze for a moment. I was going to have to go through with it. I looked him in the eye, and asked him, "Can I discuss something with you for a moment?"

I saw a back door behind him, and led him out there. His friends had barely noticed who I was; most of them were too drunk. Once we were finally alone, he looked at me expectantly. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't tear my eyes from his body. He was so tall, and muscular, and his lips looked so appealing. I took a step closer to him, and was about to tell him what I had planned to say. What I had planned now seemed boring, and not what Emily Johansson would do. Instead of saying my well-rehearsed speech, I leaned in and suddenly it was impossible to break away from his glance. I leaned in even farther, and suddenly our lips were touching. Kissing him was even better than I had imagined. The second our lips had touched, I almost felt as if I were on fire. He was a superb kisser, and I felt myself melting into him. My hands were in his hair, the hair that I had desperately wanted to touch before, and his hands were on my waist. I was acutely aware that Samuel was in the premises, and what I was doing was technically being unfaithful. I reluctantly pulled away, almost not believing what I had just done.

He looked exhilarated, and surprised. There was still one problem to fix. He was engaged. I whispered, "Richard."

He took my hands, "Emily, I'm…"

I stopped him, "Richard, if you want me, then you're going to have to do something about it soon."

I wanted to stay, to experiment more with him and that luscious body of his, but I walked out without looking back. I had to stay strong. I had to let Richard Gilmore know that I wasn't just any ordinary girl.

I rushed out to where Sweetie was waiting. She said, "Well, that certainly took awhile. So, which man is it?"

I shook my head, "I have to process this before I can even describe it."

She sped away from the campus, "Well, I'm here to talk when you're ready."

I sighed, "I have no idea what happened."

"Well, then, tell me about it. I'm dying to know. Are you engaged or not?"

I smiled at her, "Definitely not."

"Does Samuel know?"

"I certainly hope he doesn't. The only way he would know was… Oh my god, what if he saw us?"

She looked over at me, worried, "Emily? What did you do?"

I knew that what I had done was extremely improper and unladylike, but if anyone would understand, it would be Sweetie. I almost wished that Hopie was there with me. She would've been the one to cheer loudly and completely support me. I took a deep breath, "I meant to tell him that I wanted to be with him. Once I got there, the only way to tell him was to…"

She finished my sentence, "Actually be with him. Oh, Emily, I hope no one saw you."

"You know that it's not like me to be like this, Sweetie."

"No, in fact, if this were someone else, you'd be the first to proclaim them unfit for society."

I sighed, "I don't know what came over me. And now I have to wait another day. I just hope he breaks it off with that awful girl, and then I can tell Samuel no."

Sweetie said, "Emily, I know that you have never had strong feelings for anyone before. But I think Richard genuinely loved Pennilyn."

"Ridiculous. If he loved Pennilyn, then why would he be so interested in me? Why did he kiss me back?"

She replied, "I think that you and Richard are meant to be, Emily. What else would make a sensible girl like you behave like a…"

"Street urchin?"

She smiled, "If that's what you'd prefer to call yourself. I was just commenting that when two people are engaged, they usually mean something to each other. It's going to take Richard some time to get over Pennilyn."

I thought for a moment, "So you think that he's going to leave her?"

For the first time after I'd gotten back into the car, she smiled, "Emily. What sane man wouldn't leave Pennilyn Lott after seeing you in that dress?"

The next morning, I went to the library, and started studying for finals. Everything was perfectly as usual for the first few hours. As I was about to leave, I noticed a group of girls were staring at me. I wasn't one to bow down to pressure, so I just stared back at them. One of them came over. I recognized her from my European history class last semester.

She smiled at me fakely. I knew that something was wrong. She asked, "So, Emily, I used to hear you talking about Samuel Pierson all the time. What's happened lately?"

I smiled at her, "Why, Alissa, it is a pleasure to see you. Nothing's happened between Samuel and I, it's just the same as always."

Her smile became even more forced, "That's not what I heard. In fact, I heard that yesterday you showed up at a party and asked to speak to Richard Gilmore."

I kept my smile plastered onto my face, even though I wanted to scream at her to mind her own business, "Of course. We're quite good friends, and while I was on my way to visit my dear friend Sweetie at her betrothed's apartment, I stopped by so I could give him his watch that he left at one of our Smith parties." I didn't like the fact that I was lying through my teeth for her, but I hadn't been prepared to fend of rumors, at least not for another few days.

Alissa replied, "Oh, is that it? Funny, I'd heard otherwise. Give Samuel my regards, will you?"

"I will on our date tonight. It was lovely to see you, Alissa. We really should get together for brunch sometime."

She walked away, obviously disappointed. I wondered how long it would take until everyone found out the truth about us. I walked home to my apartment, and Richard was there.

I opened my mouth to speak, and he stopped me. "Listen, Emily, I want you to know that I broke it off with Pennilyn this morning."

I said, trying not to appear too excited, "Really? How did she take it?"

Richard sighed, "Not to well. She was really looking forward to the wedding, and she really loved me. I just wish that I could say the same about her."

I asked carefully, "So you didn't love her?"

Richard replied, "I did, a long time ago. Ever since we got engaged, it just hasn't felt right for me. And then I met you, Emily, and my ideas on love changed."

"What were your reasons for breaking up with her?"

"I told her the truth; that if we got married, then neither of us would be happy. I wouldn't be able to love her like she needed me too. I think that she understands. Everything was fine between us when we were younger, but we never experienced life with anyone else. I'm sure that if she had met a man as charming as you before I'd met you then she would be the one who left me."

I nodded, "So where do we stand?"

Richard replied, "I want to be with you, Emily. I've waited for so long."

"But you've just said that you still love Pennilyn Lott", I pointed out.

He said, "Ever since last night, I haven't been able to think of anyone else but you. I love Linny like a sister now. Are you and Samuel still together?"

I sighed, "He proposed to me."

"And what did you say?"

"I told him that I needed time to think. And I've thought enough. Richard, you must know me well enough now that I don't just act on impulse. Even though I didn't want to admit it, you do mean something to me. I wasn't about to live my life and always wonder what it would be like to be with you."

He said, "I'm glad that you came to me, Emily. I wouldn't have been able to find the courage to come to you."

I smiled at him, "I know."

We fell silent for a moment, and then I said, "Well, I have to respond to a proposal, and you need to collect your thoughts."

He nodded, "When will I see you again?"

I thought for a moment, "After winter break. Once you have time to get over whatever feelings you have for _Pennilyn_, and once I'm done worrying about finals."

He walked over to me, and gave me a short but extremely sweet kiss. "I'll be counting the days."

I would normally have brushed this comment off as pathetic from other men, but from Richard it sounded ridiculously sweet. I opened my apartment door for him, "Goodbye Richard."

Once he was gone, I got my car keys and headed towards Yale for the third time that weekend. This wasn't going to be easy, but it had to get done.


	11. Gossip

I knocked lightly on his apartment door. I had thought that yesterday was hard, but this was far harder. Samuel opened the door, and I walked in.

He said, "People were telling me that they saw you at my frat party last night."

I sighed, and fervently hoped that his friends were the only ones who saw me, "Your friends, no doubt? Your extremely drunk friends? Yes, I was there for a split second, but I was looking for Mitchell. Sweetie was with me."

He nodded, "I just wanted to make sure you weren't looking for me. So, I'm guessing you have an answer?"

Unfortunately, I did, "Samuel, I'm sorry. I just can't marry you."

He shook his head in disbelief, "You can't marry me? What kind of excuse is that?"

I sighed, "Samuel, you deserve someone who can treat you right. I'm not that someone. You even told me the other night that I had treated you badly."

He replied, "I love you, Emily, can't you see that? What's holding you back? You're already over twenty, and you're not going to be receiving that many marriage offers."

He was completely right, that is, if I hadn't had met anyone else. I wasn't about to tell him about Richard, and I wasn't going to let him think he was right. I said, "Is that the only reason that you want to marry me? Out of pity because no one else wants me?"

"I was only telling you how marrying me would be a prudent decision."

He was so right, and half of me was furious at myself for letting a catch like Samuel go. The other half was telling me to get this exchange over with so that I could go home and dream about Richard. I sighed, "Well, I'm not doing this for me, it's for you. We wouldn't be happy together. Relationships just can't be one-sided. I've tried to love you Samuel, but it just wasn't possible."

I saw the pain in his eyes as he managed to say, "If you never wanted to be with me, then why were you with me for so long?"

I decided to tell him the partial truth, "I wanted to make myself believe that I loved you, that your money could make me happy. I think that I've learned that I can't force myself into loving you."

I knew that that sounded harsh, but it was the truth. Besides, I could care less about Samuel's feelings. After all, I was the girl who was on the verge of becoming the next scandal at Smith and Yale.

He nodded, "If that's how you feel, then fine. I'll just find another girl who will marry me in a heartbeat."

I gave him a wry smile, "Samuel, those girls have been pouncing on your door ever since you set foot at Yale."

"I know, but I only ever had eyes for you, Emily."

Even though I wasn't exactly in the mood for sentimental apologies, I said, "I'm sorry, Samuel. You're going to be a great husband to someone else someday."

I was almost out the door, and kicking myself for actually apologizing to him when he said, "Emily, wait. There's something you probably should know."

I turned around, and glanced back at him. He looked nervous, "Well, some of my friends knew that I was going to propose to you that night. And when you didn't give me an answer, I had to tell them that because they were expecting an answer."

I was angrier than I'd ever been at him, "Why on earth would you do such a mundane and foolish thing? How could you tell them that you were going to propose to me? What if I had said no? It's a question, there's a 50 percent chance that I would've said no!"

"I thought that there was going to be a 100 percent chance."

I needed to find out how bad the damage was, "How many people did you tell?"

He replied, "Just a few close friends at the party last night."

"Were any of your friend's girlfriends there?"

"I can't remember, maybe Karen Fellows was there?"

I tried to remember if she was one of the girls at the library this morning. She was close friends with Alissa, so most likely she was. I said, "Well, thanks to you, we're going to be the main subject tonight when Karen and her many friends get together."

He replied, "Well, maybe you deserve some of that."

I glared at him, "Deserve? I did the right thing by saying no, Samuel, and you know that perfectly well. You'll be fine. You'll find a girl who's perfectly willing to be a trophy wife in a second. Me? I'm going to have to squash a lot of rumors to save the both of us, Samuel. I deserve being gossiped about? Fine. It doesn't bother me. Goodbye, Samuel."

I stormed out of there, and was glad that I had finally ended our tortuous relationship. I wasn't sure if Samuel really was in love with me, but I could care less, because I had never felt anything more for him than the promise of a rise in society and money in my purse.

I drove back to Smith, relieved that I would not have to go back to Yale for a very long time. At least, not until after break when Richard and I would possibly be able to show our faces in society.

I walked inside my apartment, desperately wanting to talk to Sweetie and plan my responses to the vicious gossip that was going to occur. When I walked in, there was a cluster of girls in the room, eating and laughing. When I walked in, they all fell silent. I looked around, and it was the very crowd that I had been hoping to avoid. I even saw a few of Pennilyn's friends, which scared me a bit.

I smiled, "Sweetie! Have you thrown a party and forgotten to invite me?"

Sweetie laughed, but when she met my eyes I could tell that she was not having fun, "Sorry, Emily. These girls dropped by to see both of us."

One of Pennilyn's friends with iced blonde hair said, "Actually, we came to speak to you, Emily."

I knew why they were here, and I wanted to get rid of him, "Well, that's sweet that you'd like to talk to me, but I'm exhausted."

Karen, the girl who had been at the party with Samuel last night said, "We're here because we care deeply about you, Emily, and we wouldn't want to see you throw your life away."

I raised my eyebrows, "Throw my life away? What exactly are you talking about?" I hated how I had to keep calm. I really couldn't stand any of these girls. They weren't even my close friends. I would've understood completely if this had come from girls in our close circle, girls that Sweetie and I spent time with every day. But no, it was these girls who were confronting me, and I didn't like the looks that Pennilyn's friends were giving me. There was no possible way that they could know about Richard and me already.

Karen's friend, Elizabeth, continued, "I was at that party last night when Samuel told us all about how he was so upset that you hadn't answered his proposal. I didn't believe him at first. How could anyone not want to marry Samuel Pierson? Then I went to get a drink, and I saw you walk right past me, all dressed up. I was going to direct you towards Samuel, but I heard that you never got to him."

Sweetie interrupted them, "Emily and I had just gone shopping, and we wanted to show off our dresses. I was there too, didn't you see me?" Sweetie wasn't the best liar, and I was hoping that she wouldn't say anything ridiculous.

Elizabeth replied, "No, I didn't. Anyway, we were just wondering how on earth you can leave a man like Samuel without an answer."

Alissa, the girl from the library, said, "And I don't know why you lied to me earlier today. Samuel definitely did propose to you."

I rolled my eyes. This was quickly becoming uncontrollable. "I don't love Samuel enough to marry him, so we mutually ended the relationship. Alissa, of course I didn't tell you. I didn't want to embarrass the poor man. I didn't realize that he was foolish enough to tell all of his friends and their dates."

Elizabeth said, "That's so wrong, Emily. Samuel and I have become closer lately, and I know that he adores you."

"If you and Samuel are so close, then why don't you marry him yourself? Listen, this is none of your business who exactly I choose to marry. I can handle myself. Thank you for your concern. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go to bed. I've had a long day."

Pennilyn's friend Sarah said, "Not so fast, Emily. My best friend, Linny Lott, has been crying in her room for the past day."

I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Richard Gilmore ended their engagement. Coincidentally, it happened right after you were seen cavorting with him at the party."

I widened my eyes, "You saw me with Richard? I'm so glad. I was scared that no one would see me." I paused, and looked at all of the confused faces. This could be humorous. I continued, "I've been dying to get a chance to meet that mother of his. I was hoping that by fraternizing with him I would at least be invited to one of her Christmas parties. I'm so sorry about Linny, by the way. Give her my condolences."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "I would never imagine you as being the girl who could be content to just get one invite to a Gilmore party. I see you more as the sort of girl who would jump at the chance to be a permanent fixture at one of these parties."

Sweetie jumped in again, "Of course she would, wouldn't you, Sarah? Emily is exhausted, and I would like to use the rest of her energy into planning my wedding. We can continue this at another time."

They reluctantly left, glaring at me. I was shocked. I had thought that I could handle this. In fact, I wasn't doing too poorly. I just didn't think that they would connect anything to Richard. I had thought that once I had ended my relationship with Samuel, I could just go to Richard without any problems. I had told him we could start seeing each other after break for his benefit. Now I realized that I needed time by myself far more than he did.


	12. Home

I was extremely relieved once I walked out of my last exam. I could finally go home and avoid the stares. I wasn't exactly sure what they were gossiping about. I knew that everyone knew about me rejecting Samuel's proposal, and I certainly hoped that no one knew about me and Richard. This experience had helped me figure out who my real friends were. I had been quite popular at the beginning of this year, and I still was. For a moment, I hated the world that I lived in. I almost wished that everything didn't have to be done in such a structured, polite way. I had lived off of that world, and I still did. In fact, if there were any other scandals going on, I would be the first to confront that person. I hated how I was being such a hypocrite.

Sweetie had been amazing throughout everything. She had even given up time to be with Mitchell so that she could stand by me, and make sure that no one found out too much about what exactly I had done in the past week. She was truly my closest confidant in the school.

I packed up my belongings, said goodbye to Sweetie, and started on my drive back to Hartford from Northhampton. I was a bit worried about what would happen when I got home. I had never kept a secret this big from my mother before. Yes, we had gotten into our share of arguments, and our relationship wasn't stellar before I left for Smith. However, it had always been Hope who got into trouble, and I was the perfect example for her. I had messed up, but if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. I was going to have to tell my mother something, after all, when I had left for Smith this year, we had discussed that Samuel and I were going to get more serious. I had wholeheartedly agreed at the time, in fact, it was the only matter we'd agreed on during the argument we'd had. I couldn't even remember exactly what it was about. I knew that once I told her Samuel and I were never getting married, she would be extremely disappointed. I wouldn't tell her why we were over, and I certainly wouldn't tell her that he asked me to marry him. I would, however, let her know that I was interested in a certain Richard Gilmore. That should tide her over. I was just hoping that she knew who the Gilmores were, because I certainly hadn't.

When I finally arrived home, Hope ran outside, screaming, "Emily!! I've missed you so much!"

I hugged her back, "I've missed you too, Hopie. Be a dear and help me with my bags?"

My mother hurried down the front steps. She was the epitome of the perfect lady, with her long red hair, not unlike mine, swept into a bun, and her pristine red cocktail dress. I gave her a quick hug, and then bent down to pick up my bags. She took a long look at me, and then said, "Well, Emily, you look well. The college life certainly suits you."

I responded with a smile, "You look well, too, Mother. Ten years younger, I'd say."

Hopie grinned at me behind my mother's back. Mother replied, "Thank you, Emily. We have so much to talk about at dinner. Hurry up and get changed, I'll have Meredith carry your bags upstairs for you."

I followed the maid up to my room, and sighed with content when I saw it.e Everything was exactly how I'd left it, in perfect condition. I loved how everything was color coordinated, and how when I'd had a disturbing day, I could come here and relax. I didn't get quite the same feeling at Smith.

I changed into more dinner appropriate clothes, and walked downstairs. My father had just walked in the door. I was always happy to see him. He understood me better than my mother, who only really approved of my actions if they were something that she would do.

After we had greeted each other, he took a step back, looked at my mother, and said, "Our daughter is all grown up."

My mother smiled at me, "I wouldn't be surprised if every boy within a fifty mile radius was enamored with her."

My father replied, "They better not be, or else I'm going to give them a stern talking to."

Hope cleared her throat, "Didn't you say that we were supposed to come down for dinner, not let's all adore Emily time?"

I could tell that my mother had had a handful with her for the past few months. She said, "Don't be so impatient, Hope."

At dinner, I could tell that my mother had something on her mind. Finally, through the middle of the main course, she said, "Emily, how is your relationship with Samuel going?"

I focused on cutting my piece of steak, "We aren't together anymore."

She looked up from her meal, surprised, "Why not? I thought that you were trying to get engaged by the end of this year."

I looked at my father, who was trying to ignore our conversation. Hope was grinning. She had met Samuel a few times, and thought that he was the most boring person she'd ever met. At the time, I had been aghast at her words, after all, she was insulting the person who I would marry. Now, I could not wait to go up to my room and talk to her about Richard. He was someone who she would like.

"Emily?" my mother pressed.

I said, "Sometimes, two people aren't meant to be together."

Now Hope was surprised, "That's so un-Emily of you to say."

I bristled, "Un-Emily? What exactly is Emily behavior like, Hope?"

My mother answered for her, "What Hope is saying that she expected you to be more practical than that. Emily, what do you mean by meant to be? You liked Samuel."

I looked around at everyone, "Not enough to spend my whole life with him." I really hated having this conversation with them, because I disagreed with everything that I had been telling them. One didn't function on dreams and feelings, they planned ahead, and did what was best to secure their future. I sounded ridiculous to my parents at the moment. I wanted to tell them that I had found a better match, and had taken a gamble.

Instead, I told my mother, "I'll fix this."

"So you'll make sure that you and Samuel will be married by next year?"

I promised, "I'll be engaged to someone respectable by next year."

My mother raised her eyebrows, "Someone?"

I looked her in the eye, "Someone."

My mother looked at Hope, and I knew that we were going to discuss this later. My father started asking me questions about my history classes, and we were distracted for a little while.

Later, Hopie cornered me, as I knew she would. She sat on my bed, and said, "So, what really happened with Samuel?"

I told her the truth. She was the only person I could talk to here, "He proposed to me. Then I kissed another man, and turned down his proposal."

She was shocked, "What happened to my sister? Who are you?"

"I know that it's horrible, and I've been kicking myself every day for it."

Hope rolled her eyes, "Horrible? It's awesome."

I shook my head at her, "It's not something that I'm proud of, Hope, and I wish that, this time, you wouldn't follow my example."

She brushed my comment away, "Who's the other man?"

I replied, "You don't know him."

"Do you love him?"

Even though she had experienced much more of the world than I had at her age, I was amazed at how innocent she really was.

"I don't know, Hope. Mostly, I'm confused."

She nodded triumphantly, "You do love him."


	13. Out of Society

The next few days, I spent time helping my mother organize DAR events. I loved planning parties, because I could forget what was going on around me and focus in on running the perfect event. There were so many aspects of a function that had to be exact, which I loved. Hope always ran from these events, because she couldn't stand our mother's friends, and wasn't one for sitting still for more than a few moments. Because of this, she avoided us, and I spent most of my time with my mother. We didn't exactly talk about anything important, such as the fact that she wanted me to apologize to Samuel. I was relieved that she didn't know exactly what I had done. I told myself that I would tell her the truth one day, once everything in my life was exactly as I'd planned. I just couldn't tell my mother that I had turned down a proposal.

Through those many hours of planning parties, I had also been thinking of my previous discussion with my sister. She was so young, and she didn't know anything about love. However, she had said that she could tell that I loved Richard. I didn't know if I did or not. All I knew was that I was always nervous around him; almost as if I couldn't breathe. Whenever we spent time together, which hadn't been much lately, I felt like I belonged with him. That scared me, because I had barely gotten to know him. Every time we spoke to each other, I knew that he was engaged, which held me back. It made me wonder what our relationship would be like now, with no boundaries. This was the only thing that was able to distract me during my hours of party planning.

One day, we were picking out invitations for a function when the maid brought me a letter. My hands shook as I read the seal. It was from Richard. I was about to open it when my mother took it from me. She glanced at the front in wonder, saying, "You know Richard Gilmore?"

I replied, "Yes, he goes to Yale."

"Are you friends with him?"

I was going to tell her that we were going to start dating, because it would soften the whole Samuel incident. But then I remembered how angry I'd been at her when I found out that there was a whole social circle that I would never be included in. I said, "Mother, would you like to inform me on why we've never been invited over to the Gilmore estate?"

She looked down at her hands, and then replied, a bit nervously, "I don't really know, Emily. It's not as if that matters. The Gilmores have never been invited to any of our functions."

I rolled my eyes at her, "That's because they would turn down our invitation. I just cannot believe that you've been lying to me. My whole life, I thought that I would be at the top of society, because I was a Johansson. Now I know that I will never actually be at the top. Tell me, why aren't we included?"

My mother looked exasperated, and finally answered, "Trust me, Emily, you're much better off not going to those events. Lorelai Gilmore is the most horrible woman I've ever encountered."

I replied, "So? There are many people that I can't stand. You still have to put up with them."

My mother shook her head at me, "There's more to life than just following rules of society, Emily."

Now I was shocked. This was my mother, the person who had carefully coached me on how to act, and every rule that I should follow. She was the one who was so offended that I wasn't engaged at the moment.

She smiled at me, "Yes, you do have to act a certain way, Emily, it's expected of you. There are times, however, when something else takes priority."

Even though my experience with Richard had certainly broken some rules, I said, "I can't imagine what would."

"I used to be at the very top of society. Lorelai Gilmore had no choice but to include me in all of the major events, and I was having a wonderful time. I brought my best friend along one day. Now, Lila was a very sweet girl, but she hadn't lived in Hartford for very long. I don't remember the comment exactly, but someone was talking about a political issue, someone who was very close to Lorelai. Lila contradicted her, and they got into a bit of an argument. Also, Lila drove me to the event, so I wasn't actually able to tell her to change. Lorelai thought that what she was wearing wasn't appropriate for the function, so she threw her out. I had to stand up for my friend, Emily. It was the decent thing to do. Lorelai Gilmore is certainly capable of holding a grudge."

I was impressed, and I wondered if I would have the ability to stand up for my friends if I was in such a situation. I hoped that I would, but it had never really affected me. I had always been the one who people wanted to impress so they could go to my parties. I didn't want to let my mother know that, so I said, "Well, that was very nice of you to be a martyr, but, because of you, I have been left out of a whole social circle."

She raised her eyebrows, "It seems like you're contradicting yourself, Emily. Are you and Richard Gilmore friends?"

I said, "I don't know. We're just getting to know each other."

Her eyes lit up, "Well, do you think you'll be invited to the wedding?"

The wedding? That meant that she knew about him and Linny Lott, which wasn't good. She was going to suspect something. I said, partially to distract her, "You just said that the Gilmores weren't worth socializing with, and now you want me to be friends with  
Richard?"

She answered, "It's too late for me, but it's not too late for you. I don't want you to be left out of these parties, especially not the wedding."

I asked, innocently, "What wedding?"

My mother looked at me, incredulously, "You know very well what wedding I'm speaking of. Richard and Pennilyn Lott."

I laughed, "Mother, are you that out of society lately?"

She was offended, "What do you mean."

I smiled, "Richard and Pennilyn aren't engaged anymore. In fact, I heard that Richard might be interested in someone else."

She was shocked, "But they were the perfect couple! Who is he interested in?"

My mother might as well know the truth, "Let me read the letter first and I'll let you know."

She looked confused, "All right."

She hadn't gotten that the letter might be about me. I held the letter so she couldn't read over the shoulder.

_Dear Emily,_

_I know that you're busy spending time with your family. I am, too, but I couldn't stand the thought of spending a whole month without you. We're both in the same city. What could be wrong with us accidentally meeting up? I know that people have been talking about us, but it's none of their business. When I want to be with someone, then I intend to spend time with them, Emily. Why don't we meet next Friday at the corner of Elm and Trinity? We can do whatever you want once we meet up._

_Richard_

My mother broke me out of my daze as I reread the letter. "Emily, why are you smiling? Who is the person that he's interested in?"

I rolled my eyes in frustration, "Don't you see, Mother? It's me!"


	14. The Emily Approach

"_Don't you see, Mother? It's me."_

My mother dropped one of the invitations on the floor, but didn't bother to pick it up, "Are you seriously telling me that you have given up the man that you have dreamed to marry just because you think that Richard Gilmore might be interested in you? I am extremely disappointed in you. What exactly does that letter say that makes you think he's interested in you? You're extremely naïve, Emily, and I'm sure that you misunderstood his intentions."

My eyes flashed as I got up, and snatched the letter off of the table, "The letter is private, and I'm not exactly naïve. I did what I told you to and made sure that Samuel knew that if he wanted to propose, I would definitely say yes. And then I realized that I didn't love him. You said one thing right today; that sometimes the rules of society are worth breaking. Well, this was my one time, and I'm not proud of it, but that's just how it happened. And I am certainly not innocent and naïve."

I was about to storm out of the room and go upstairs. I hadn't meant to let anything else about Samuel slip, and I had. There was something about my mother that made it impossible for me to control my emotions.

As I was about to walk out the door, I heard my mother say, extremely quietly, "Did Samuel propose?"

For some reason, angry tears filled my eyes as I turned away and ran upstairs, where I found Hope, who had been listening wide-eyed at the door.

She looked confused, almost as if our roles had been switched. She said, "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but she's been waiting for you to come home for the last month. She wanted to show me what a good example you were to the family. Two weeks ago, she caught me with Brian. I thought that she wasn't going to be home, but the party she was going to ended early and she caught us kissing in the living room."

So I was just a disappointment, just like Hope. I realized that I was almost crying, and I pulled myself together, and focused on something else, "Hope, how serious were you and this Brian?"

She looked down at her fingernails, "We weren't in love or anything, but I really liked him."

"Liked him?"

Hope sighed, "Do you honestly think that I've been allowed out of the house? Besides, Brian has probably found someone in his public school where he can do whatever he wants with her without anyone caring."

I told her, "No matter what, Hope, even if you like the boy, don't let him pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. In fact, at your age, don't even _think_ about going past whatever you and this public school boy were doing."

She looked surprised at my attempt at advice, and then smirked, "What makes you think that Brian and I didn't go all the way?"

I said, "Because you're a Johansson, and we have common sense."

We sat in silence for a few moments, and then Hope said, "You're upset, Emily. I can tell. What exactly is going on?"

I answered, "I'm not used to Mother being angry with me. I wish that I could fix everything, and, then again, I want to be angry with her as well. She has no right to tell me who to marry."

Hope nodded, "What's the letter say?"

I smiled briefly, "He wants to see me on Friday. There's no way that Mother will let me go."

Hope grinned, "I can show you all of the best places to sneak out."

I was appalled, "Sneak out? I'm not going to go cavorting around Hartford without permission, and I would never do something as ridiculous as climbing out a window.""

Hope smiled, "I knew that you would say that. So you'll just have to use the boring Emily approach."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

Hope replied, "Isn't it obvious? You're a good girl. You've only done one thing wrong, really, so there's chance for forgiveness. As for me, I've long past that point so now it's easier to just not let Mother know everything I'm doing."

I nodded, "So you're saying that I should apologize to her, and persuade her to let me go out on Friday?"

Hope said, "Trust me, with you, it will work. Besides, since you're so perfect, I doubt that you're even punished."

I rolled my eyes, "I'd like to be alone now, if you don't mind."

After lying down for two hours, I knew that Hope was right. I had to see Richard. If I didn't show up, he might think that I wasn't interested. Before I had met Richard, I wouldn't have worried about not showing up when a man told me to meet him somewhere. I knew that if he really wanted me, and they usually did, that he would find some other way to contact me. This was a different case. I was worried that, at any moment, he could go back to Pennilyn Lott. For the first time in my life, I felt insecure about a man. I needed to know that he wanted to be with me. I knew that he had loved Pennilyn for some reason, and I was hoping that I could make him forget her. I also knew that if Pennilyn was an intelligent woman, she would do whatever she could to find out why Richard ended their engagement. If I were her, I would seek revenge, and do everything I could to get back with him. All of this was why I knew that I had to meet up with him on Friday. Besides, I really wanted to see him.

I walked downstairs, and found my mother still sitting at the table, staring at invitations and the seating chart. I could see that she hadn't gotten much done.

I sat down at the table, "It wouldn't really be prudent to put Chloe Robertson anywhere near the Tawcett family. Remember the trouble she caused at the last events where she managed to throw herself at every son that they have?"

My mother didn't look up, "I already put that into consideration. I thought you were _resting_."

I nodded. I really didn't want to do what I was about to do, after all, I never apologized, because I was correct most of the time. Especially this time, "We have a party to plan. I made this commitment, and I intend to follow through with it."

I addressed a few more invitations and then asked, "Do you love Father?"

She was extremely taken aback, "Of course I do."

"Did you marry because of love?"

My mother sighed, "Yes, Emily, I did. I was lucky enough to love a person who I would also benefit from marrying. I gained so much by becoming a Johansson."

"I know that we both thought that I would marry Samuel. But I found someone else who is higher in society, and whose company I enjoy much more. I just couldn't marry someone that I didn't love."

My mother was still angry, "So you believe that you love this Gilmore boy?"

I replied, "I can't possibly love him yet, we haven't entered into a relationship. I know, however, that if I gave him a chance, I would want to be with him a great deal more than I ever wanted to be with Samuel. Samuel was a dear friend of mine, and he had money. Richard has all and more that Samuel did. The only difference is that I can't stop thinking about him."

I turned away, embarrassed. I had hated every moment of that. I just hoped that it had worked. I wasn't used to justifying myself to my mother, and I certainly wouldn't tell anyone else how I felt, excluding Hope and Sweetie.

My mother looked stern, "Let me see the letter."

I pulled it out of my pocket, and silently handed it to her, knowing it would be the last private aspect of my relationship with Richard that I would show her.

She read it, and said, "I suppose you want to go."

I nodded, "I do."

"Fine. What time? He didn't specify."

I replied, "I'm sure that he'll call on Thursday to let me know."

She asked, "Why are people talking about you, Emily?"

I hadn't wanted her to see that part of the letter, "Because they have every right to be suspicious. We both broke off serious relationships, and people have seen us talking to each other."

"Well, then I hope for your sake that that Lott girl never finds out."

"She won't, Mother."

She said very reluctantly, "Very well, then. You can go."

Hopie was actually right for once. I wanted to say thank you, but instead I turned to the invitations, "Mother, have you remembered to invite the Calloways?"

Richard did remember to call with the time, and I excitedly left for the specified corner at 1 p.m. that Friday. I had to keep telling myself that it wasn't going to be that big of a deal. Some part of me was hoping that I wouldn't be as attracted to him as I had been before. I hated being that dependent. I needed Richard to want me more than I wanted him. However, the moment I saw him on the corner, I knew that time hadn't made me want him any less. Instead, it had given me an incessant need to be near him.

I kept my guard up and extended a gloved hand to him, "Hello, Richard."

He breathed, "Emily, ", and it took all of my willpower to not go running into his arms.

I said, "How has your break been?"

He replied, "It was fine. I did miss you, however."

I replied, "How can you miss me if we haven't spent much time together?"

Richard said, "Are you implying that you didn't miss me at all?"

I wracked my brain for a quick retort; after all, I knew that it was never right to admit that you missed a man. I replied, "I did think of you a bit, but I was mostly occupied explaining to my parents why I wasn't engaged to Samuel. Have you told your parents about Pennilyn?"

He sighed, "I tried, but my mother is convinced that we'll get back together."

I reached for his hand as we started walking around the city, "Why don't you take me to see your parents?"

He hesitated, "I think that it might be best to let my mother get used to the idea that I'm not going to be married."

I didn't want to press him, at least, not yet, "So where exactly are we going?"

Richard gave me a smile that made me shiver, "I thought that we'd just walk around and find a restaurant so we could talk."

I loved to talk; in fact, the lack of conversation was why I couldn't be with Samuel anymore. But all I wanted to do was find a quiet space to just _be_ with Richard. I said, "That sounds lovely. It is such a nice day today, isn't it?"

He agreed, and then we made small talk. It was so easy to just be myself with him. Just as we were about to walk into an Italian restaurant, a girl with blonde hair walked past us. Then she turned around, shocked. She said, quietly, "I didn't want to believe it, but it's true."


	15. Being With Him

I stared in shock at the blonde standing in front of me. This couldn't possibly be happening. She didn't even _live_ in Hartford.

"Linny, listen to me," Richard pleaded.

She shook her head, and tears were falling down her face. I almost felt bad for her, but how could I? I had gone after something that I wanted, just as she would have.

She pulled away from him. "Everyone was telling me that there was something wrong with our relationship, but I was too blind to see it. How long had this been going on, Richard?"

"Linny, I would never do anything to purposely hurt you. Emily and I are just starting to get to know each other. Nothing ever happened while you and I were engaged," Richard said.

She looked even angrier as he said that. I didn't blame her. Richard didn't seem too convincing to me. Besides, he was lying. We had kissed, and it wasn't completely my fault. He did kiss me back.

She wiped away her tears. "Did I mean anything to you? At all?"

I didn't want to hear the answer to this. I knew that she had meant a lot to him, but I hated hearing it.

"Yes, of course. You meant everything to me. You know that I wanted to marry you, but I couldn't," he answered.

"Why not? Because of her?"

So the conversation had come to me. He sighed, "Even if I had never met Emily, I can assure you that we would have grown apart eventually. I'm sorry that it had to be me, Linny. I wish that you had met someone that you were meant to be with."

Her eyes flickered over to me. "So you think that you were meant to be with Emily Johannson? That she can give you more than someone who's known you your whole life can, after all that we've been through together?"

"I believe that we both needed to grow up and find our identities before getting married."

Linny turned her anger on to me. "How could you do this, Emily? I know that we were never close friends, but you knew that I was engaged!"

"Actually, I don't remember ever talking to you in the whole time that I was at Smith. Besides, Richard just told you. This is our first time properly socializing," I told her.

She shook her head, refusing to believe what she was hearing. "You are a despicable woman, Emily Johansson."

I glanced over at Richard, who looked extremely stressed. At that moment, I didn't really care what she had meant to him. They were over, and I had to establish my position. "I can't help who I'm attracted to, Linny, or who's attracted to me."

She was trembling so much that I was afraid she was going to break into pieces. She finally mustered the courage to say, "Say whatever you like now, but if I were you, I wouldn't come back to school."

Pennilyn was getting seriously annoying, and was ruining what was supposed to be a fantastic first date. I stared her down. "Is that a threat?"

She wasn't even looking at me anymore. Richard and her eyes were locked deep into a meaningful gaze, hers tear filled again. She said softly, "Goodbye, Richard."

We both watched her walk away. She had completely embarrassed herself. If I were her, I wouldn't have bothered with a confrontation. I would've just forgotten about the man. I wouldn't even bother plotting against the girl, after all, it wasn't their fault that they were attracted to someone who wasn't exactly available. Then I wondered what I would do if I found out Richard was attracted to someone else, and I knew that I would get revenge.

I walked into the restaurant. "That was unbelievable that we ran into her."

Richard walked behind me, not saying anything. I continued, "I can't believe that she confronted the both of us like that! Does she have any manners?"

He turned abruptly to face me. "I loved Pennilyn, Emily, do you understand that? I will not have you insulting her like that."

"She insulted me on the streets, Richard. Besides, I'm not exactly a fan of hearing all about the love of your life. She's in the past."

"How can you just dismiss Samuel like that?" he asked me.

I said simply, "Samuel didn't mean that much to me."

"Well, then you have no idea what I'm going through."

This first date certainly was not going well. "I told you that I wanted to give you time, Richard, but you wanted to meet with me. Well, that seemed to work out perfectly."

Richard seemed to come back to his senses. "This wasn't exactly the enjoyable afternoon we'd been planning, was it?"

I sat there quietly for a minute. I didn't understand why Richard would be so upset with me, after all, we were currently on our way towards being a couple. He and Pennilyn were over. He should have been defending me. Besides, if that woman were to blame anyone, it should've been Richard. I didn't exactly make him leave her. I just gave him a choice.

"Why do we argue every time we see each other, Richard? I cannot remember one time we've met that didn't end in an argument," I asked him.

"There have been some times," he told me. "Remember when we first met? We danced, and talked. We also had a nice conversation right before break."

"They all revolved around Pennilyn, Richard. Every single one of them revolved around Pennilyn Lott! I don't want to have to talk about her anymore!"

He sighed. "Emily, every time that we seem to be doing well, you bring her up."

We were about to get into another argument again. How could someone who made me feel so angry also make me feel so alive? "I didn't exactly summon her."

"No, but we did discuss her before we got to the restaurant."

So maybe I had brought her up, but that was only because I was making sure that he had told his parents. After all, I didn't want anyone receiving a wedding invitation for him and that girl. "Why don't we just start over? How was your break, Richard? Isn't it relaxing to not have to study?"

As the waiter came over, he reached for my hand, sending jolts of electricity down my spine. "It's even more relaxing being with you."

I was about to retort that statement because it was the farthest thing from true; we had just spent the first hour arguing. But then I realized that I was completely relaxed as well. I smiled, and looked at the menu. "What do you think I should order?"

We had the most amazing lunch, and then we went walking in the park, holding hands, just as a real couple would. We sat down on a park bench, and had a wonderful conversation.

"So what are your plans when you graduate from Yale?" I asked him.

"Well, I've always wanted to go into the insurance business," he answered.

"With your father?"

He paused for a moment. "Possibly. There are many other options in the business besides going in with my father."

I wanted to try to steer him in the right direction, which was obviously with his father, the insurance mogul. Instead, I said, "It sounds like you know what you're doing."

I loved that we were having this conversation, and that Richard was completely focused on the subject matter, and not just staring at me. Soon, however, I realized that I wanted him to stare at me, to tell me that I was beautiful. This feeling was extremely new to me.

I leaned closer to him. "I'm really glad that you wrote me that letter, Richard."

"I agree. I don't think that I could have waited until school resumed."

I smiled at him. "I could have."

He looked taken aback for a moment, and then did the only rational thing he could do. He kissed me, and this time it felt so right. It was even better than it had felt at the party because this time I knew that I was allowed to be with him. It wasn't wrong. As our kiss deepened, I began to get lost in the feel of him, and then I realized that we were sitting in public. This time, I didn't want to let go. It was almost as if I didn't care who saw us. I wondered how I had changed so much. Had Richard Gilmore taken away all of my morals?

I pulled away, breathless. At this point, Samuel would have looked at me with an annoyed look, asking me what was wrong. Richard just starting playing with my hair, and didn't look the least bit upset that we had stopped kissing. I decided that even if Richard had changed me, it was worth it. And suddenly, we were kissing again.


	16. A Family Affair

Richard and I saw each other a few more times during break, each time better than the first. We still argued every time, but we managed to keep the subject away from that despicable girl Pennilyn Lott. Instead, we argued about current events, and many other subjects. The arguments never got old, especially because I always won them. And they always seemed to end in an exhilarating kiss.

Hope had managed to get out of her punishment and was promptly seeing her Brian from the street. While I was repulsed by this match, I decided to let it go. I didn't want Hope to hate me forever, and I knew that she did have some common sense. Again, I was amazed at my new self. I didn't want to get Hope in trouble.

I had three things to worry about before I went back to school. One, Richard was coming over to meet my parents. Two, I had to impress the formidable Lorelai Gilmore the next day. And three, I had to go back to school where everyone would most likely ostracize me for ruining Linny Lott's life. I already had my responses ready for those. I knew that those who were my real friends would stay true to me. I did have a lot of real friends, and I knew that I would survive the loss of those close to Pennilyn.

Richard had been hesitant about me meeting his parents. I persisted, however, because there really was no better time. We would be at school for the next few months, and while Richard wasn't too far away from Hartford, I was in an entirely different state and only wanted to have to drive to Yale to see Richard. I had done enough driving last semester because Samuel had gotten needier and I had wanted to see Richard. I decided that we would see each other plenty at parties as well. But for now, I wanted to spend all of my time with Richard. I also wanted to erase any doubt from either of our parents that we'd done the wrong thing. My parents would be a bit more understanding, but I didn't know how his would react, which was why I had to show them that I was the best thing that ever happened to Richard.

I went downstairs to help my mother prepare for lunch with Richard. She was ordering the maid around, someone we'd had for the past year. I was glad that I'd been off at Smith because she was extremely incompetent.

"Mother, why haven't you fired her yet?"

"Why would I fire her, Emily? She's done nothing wrong," my mother answered.

I glanced at the kitchen door. "She's taking far too long to set the table perfectly. And look at that! There's a fingerprint on the glass."

"You can't expect everything to be perfect."

This was the one thing that really set us apart. "If you're paying her good money, then I would expect perfection. If that's not what I got, then I would just find someone better."

My mother rolled her eyes. "You'd be firing maids left and right then."

I shrugged. "Why not? It's not as if we couldn't afford it."

My mother glanced at the clock. Richard would be here in twenty minutes. At first I had wanted to invite Richard and his parents here, but my mother had decided that she wanted to make her judgment on Richard without his mother there, so that if she liked him, then she would be able to continue liking him. The fact that he was a Gilmore would be in the back of her mind. I didn't know why she was acting this way. Now it was completely up to me to bring the Johansson family back into the good graces of the Gilmores.

We sat there in silence for a few moments, watching the maid finish setting the table. My mother cleared her throat. "Emily, I don't want you to think that I don't approve of Richard. It just might be hard for me to accept him because I was so excited at the fact that you were doing so well with Samuel. I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing."

I rolled my eyes. "I do know what I'm doing, Mother. Besides, you don't know Samuel. You never met him."

"Yes, but I do know what's best for you. I did know his family very well."

"Family isn't everything. It does matter, but it's not everything."

Just as she was about to reply, the doorbell rang. Hope came bounding down the stairs, and got the door, something that the maid was supposed to do.

I heard conversation, and I immediately rushed towards the door to rescue Richard from my flirtatious younger sister.

I gave him a hug. I hadn't seen him for a week. "Richard! How are you?"

He smiled at Hope. "I'm doing quite well, thank you."

"I see that you've met my sister, Hope."

He nodded. "She's a miniature version of you, Emily."

Hope and I looked at each other, disgusted. As if we were anything like each other, besides the obvious red hair and blue eyes.

My mother was scrutinizing Richard. Now I understood Richard's nervousness at the thought of me meeting his parents. I took Richard's hand, and led him into the living room. "Why are we standing in the foyer? Would you like something to drink, Richard?"

He introduced himself to my mother as we all sat awkwardly in the living room, nursing our drinks. My father joined us shortly, and suddenly I realized that I had less to fear from my mother than my father, who did not like to see the thought of me being with anyone.

He cleared his throat. Richard immediately stood up. "Hello, sir, I'm Richard Gilmore. It's nice to finally meet you."

My father shook his hand, and I knew that he was about to search for every reason why Richard should not be in my company. It made perfect sense, after all, I was their daughter, and I deserved nothing but the best. I was confident that Richard would prove to them how perfect he was for me.

"What are your plans once you graduate from Yale, Richard?" my father asked.

"Well, I am considering going into the insurance business. My father owns a very successful company, and I would like to pattern in his footsteps."

My father dealt in newspapers and other business enterprises, so he was impressed. "That sounds like a prudent decision."

They kept on talking about the stock market. I was so lucky that I had found someone so smart. My mother watched them, and I know that she was searching for any resemblance to the rest of the Gilmores. "How is your mother doing, Richard?" she asked just to be polite.

"She's fine, thank you for asking."

My mother nodded, and then went to check on lunch. My father had to answer a business call, so it was just Hope, Richard, and me.

"So, have you had that speech reserved for a long time, or are you really that fascinated with insurance?" Hope asked.

"Of course he's interested in insurance, Hope, it's his career choice."

"Well, I was on my guard to not say anything that would upset your parents in any way, but I did tell the truth in there."

Hope looked at him for a moment. "You sound exactly like Samuel, but I don't think that you're as boring."

"Thank you, I suppose."

"So what do you do for fun at college? I know that all Emily does is study and concentrate on securing her future, but you must do something else. How are the parties?" she asked.

"Parties aren't exactly my thing."

I was surprised at this remark, because I had seen him at almost every party I'd gone to. I concluded that this must have been because of Pennilyn.

"If I invited you to a party, would you dance with me?" Hope continued.

He smiled at her. "Why, yes, I think that I would."

Hope smirked at me. She could tell that she was getting on my nerves. "Well, when I have my seventeenth birthday party, you can come as my birthday present from Emily."

I was going to kill her later. Thankfully, my mother called us in for dinner. It went very well, and both of my parents looked pleased. I did know however that my mother would never admit that I had chosen correctly this time.

"Emily, you need to be careful tomorrow. Lorelai Gilmore is going to do anything she can to make sure that you and Richard don't stay together," she told me.

"I'll prove her that she was wrong about us, Mother. Then Richard and I will stay together and you will be invited to their parties again."

My mother laughed. "If only it were that easy, Emily. Just don't be too surprised by her reaction."

I rolled my eyes and walked back up the stairs to yell at Hope, who had shamelessly tried to flirt with Richard throughout the whole dinner. I hoped that my mother was wrong because I didn't want Richard's affection for his mother to drive him back to Pennilyn Lott. No adult had ever disliked me to my face before, and I intended for that to be the same tomorrow. I just knew that I would find my way into Lorelai Gilmore's good graces.


	17. Lorelai Gilmore

I walked up confidently to the door, and rang the doorbell. I wasn't nervous, and why should I be? My mother was crazy. Lorelai Gilmore probably didn't even remember her. And I knew that she would like me, because everyone did.

The maid answered the door, took my coat, and led me into the living room. Richard's house was nice, but nothing that I was overly impressed by, even though it was fancier than my house. I walked into the living room. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Emily Johannson."

My first impression of Lorelai Gilmore was that she was a beautiful yet haughty woman. "We aren't fools. No one else was expected at this hour."

I looked at Richard, confused. I had introduced myself properly like you were supposed to, and she had almost insulted me. I expected him to rise to my defense. Instead, he was looking at his mother with admiration. "Trix, you are hilarious. Hello, Emily."

I was a bit annoyed with him, after all, who was that attached to their mother? I smiled. "Hello, Richard."

I sat down, and they didn't even offer me anything to drink. His father seemed to be a bit more friendly. "So this is your girlfriend, Richard?" he asked.

"Yes, this is the famous Emily."

Lorelai Gilmore wasn't happy with this answer either. "Richard, I wouldn't call her your girlfriend. What does Pennilyn think of all of this?"

I looked at Richard curiously. What was his response to this? "I haven't asked her opinion," he replied.

His mother ignored his comment. "Richard, I've invited her and her family to dinner next week."

Unbelievably, my mother had been right. She was trying to split us up. I gave Richard a look, but he didn't seem to notice. "That would be nice; I haven't seen her in a while."

So it was okay for his mother to bring up Pennilyn but every time I did I was ruining the moment for him? This was not okay. I did everything to could to stay polite, and to act like this was not annoying me.

We went into the dining room for lunch. "Is your mother anyone of any importance, Emily?" she asked.

It was finally an attempt at real conversation. "Why, yes, she is. She is one of the top members of the DAR."

"That's hard to believe; I've never heard of a Johansson who was worth knowing."

It was getting increasingly harder to be polite. "Well, when I was young my mother went to dozens of parties a month, so I am sure that she is worth knowing. Perhaps you remember her maiden name, Victoria Leonard."

Lorelai paused for a moment. "No, I don't remember her. Therefore, she cannot be important, so it would be best if you stopped bragging about her."

The Emily Johannson that I knew would protest at this. She would put this horrid woman in her place, and then she would never come back. But something made me sit still and take a bite of my meal. I endured comments like this for the rest of lunch, and I ignored them, getting angrier by the moment. I finally snapped when she brought up Pennilyn again.

"Emily, why are you here?"

"Because Richard invited me." That was something else. Richard had kept silent throughout the entire meal, letting her attack everything that I said.

"I hope you realize that Richard and Pennilyn are engaged."

He _had_ told them, right? "Actually, I know for a fact that they are not."

Richard's father gave her a warning glance. "Lorelai."

She pressed on. "They are merely taking a break from each other. If I were you, Emily, I would take that into consideration."

I glanced at Richard, who seemed to be engrossed with his plate. "I think that you should know that Richard and I intend to be together for a very long time, regardless of what anyone says."

She also glanced at Richard, and then turned her attention back to me. "I will not be talked to that way!"

Richard finally spoke up. "Emily, what are you doing?"

I glared at him. "We'll talk later, Richard."

Lorelai shook her head. "You are just like your mother."

"I thought you didn't remember her."

"Now I do. Victoria Leonard, a very rude woman."

I stood up. "My mother is the most well-mannered woman in the state of Connecticut. Perhaps you should learn from her."

I walked out of the house without a glance back, fuming. Why had I just done that? Was I never fit for society? Now Richard and I were never getting married. She would never approve of us. I told myself to call Samuel before he met someone else, so at least I would make a respectable marriage. I could not believe what had just happened. I should have kept quiet, but I couldn't. I could handle the gossipy girls at Smith with polite yet insulting words, but here I just had to ruin everything but yelling at Richard's mother.

When I got home, my mother asked me how lunch was. I forced a smile. "It was fine. They have a lovely house."

"Did she treat you well? Should I go over there and give her a piece of my mind?"

That would be even more embarrassing. "I said that lunch was fine." I walked into my room, and threw my covers over my face. I did my best to quench the tears, but they kept coming. I wasn't going to get to be with Richard. We had spent such a lovely break, and I had ruined my whole life for him, and now it was all worth nothing.

Hope walked in. "You are such a bad liar. That woman did _not_ treat you well. You should just let Mother deal with it."

When I didn't answer, she continued talking. "So what if that hag insulted you? You still have Richard, who is funny and incredibly handsome and if you don't want him, I'll steal him."

"I don't have Richard. I yelled at his mother. Who would want to be with me after that?"

She grinned. "You yelled at Lorelai Gilmore? I'd have liked to see that. Besides, if you give up on Richard now, doesn't that mean that she wins?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Lorelai Gilmore doesn't want you with her son. You have to show her that you're better than her by keeping Richard until he's so smitten that nothing she says will sway his decision. I think you're almost there."

Hope was right. Why was she always right about Richard lately? "Well, I'll see what he says when I speak to him next. I'm mad at him, too. Even while we were arguing he still looked at that dreadful woman with admiration."

"Well, be mad at him for a few days, and then steal his heart away again."

I smiled, and I decided to let Richard come to me. I was right. The next day, he called.


	18. Conversation

I answered the phone. "Hello?"

It was Richard. I imagined him pacing nervously across the living room as he tried to figure out what to say to me next. I hoped that his speech included an apology. I had considered hanging up on him; after all, that's what he deserved. But it was extremely unladylike, and besides, I had a battle to win against his mother. And I intended to win by keeping Richard all to myself.

He finally spoke up. "Emily, what happened yesterday?"

I forced myself to ignore what the sound of his voice did to me. I was mad at him, and I would stay mad at him until he apologized. "You know fully well what happened. Your mother insulted my family, Richard. If I had stayed in that house, I would've completely lost my temper. What would you have done if my mother called your mother rude; unfit for society?"

"Emily, my mother was appalled at your tone of voice. I'm sure that she didn't mean to call your mother rude."

"She knew my mother in college, Richard! She knew her, and she was terrible to her, but I still decided to give her a chance! I just don't understand why you keep defending her!"

I really wanted to hang up. "She acted the same way towards Pennilyn when I introduced them, and Pennilyn didn't run out of the room," he replied.

"That's because Pennilyn is a coward, and I am not. Besides, your mother loves Pennilyn. Oh, yes, I forgot to ask you. Are you all excited for your little get-together tonight?

"Emily, that is hardly under my control. When Linny and I split up, we decided to still be friends."

This time, I would control myself. I had to win this. I had to keep Richard. "That was before she realized exactly why you ended the engagement. I doubt that she'd still want to be friends with someone who left her for another woman."

"What exactly do you want from me, then, Emily? I should be mad at you, not the other way around."

What did I want? I wanted him to admit that his mother was the cruelest person in the universe, that Linny Lott was the saddest excuse for a woman at Smith, and that I was the center of his world. I knew that I wouldn't even get close to that. "I want you to apologize for the fact that you didn't defend me yesterday, Richard. I want you to tell me that your mother will not affect our relationship in any shape or form."

"I can't promise you all of that, Emily. I'm sorry if you were hurt yesterday, I truly am."

Well, I could tell he was truly sorry. Blind, maybe, but he cared about me. And I wasn't going to give that up. "Fine. What part do you think you can't promise?"

"My mother is going to affect our relationship, just like your parents are, if we are going to stay together for a long time. That is what you want, I assume?"

Suddenly, I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to come over here so I could feel his lips on mine and just _forget_ everything. "Yes. That is what I want."

"I'm glad we agree then. Shall I tell Trix that you were ill yesterday?"

That was such an easy solution. "No, I'd prefer that she knows that I am going to side with my family, no matter the circumstance. I hope she knows that I won't abide her saying anything else about my mother."

"Emily?" I turned around, and my mother was standing behind me.

"Richard? I have to go. Will I see you before school starts again?"

"I will call you tomorrow."

I hung up, and turned back to my mother. How much of the conversation had she heard?

"Was that Richard?" she asked softly.

"Yes. We were making plans to see each other before we go back for spring semester."

My mother curled a stray piece of her red hair behind her ear. "Emily, tell me the truth. What happened yesterday? Did Lorelai say something about me?"

I didn't want her to know about this. I was ashamed of myself for leaving the house in the first place, even though I had known that I was right. "It doesn't matter, Mother. What's done is done."

Her eyes flashed. "I told you that I didn't want you to go over there. Yet you assured me that everything would be fine, that everyone would like you. Here's a wake up call, Emily. Not everyone in the world is always going to love you."

"I know, Mother. Richard's mother affects our relationship no way whatsoever."

"For now, yes. What if you become serious? How are you going to deal with her? I have half a mind to go over there and straighten her out."

I had to get her away from me and off of this subject. "Mother, I don't even care. She hardly insulted me. It was all about Victoria Leonard. I'm not going to let your past foolishness affect me again."

I had thought she would've backed away at that moment like she usually did during our arguments. However, mention of Lorelai Gilmore brought a fire back into her eyes that I had never seen before. "Don't try to be so strong, Emily. She hurt you, too. And once you get a grasp on reality you'll realize that."

Yes, she did hurt me. I just wasn't going to admit that to my mother, of all people. "I am fine. I left the house before I could do something that I would regret."

"So you just walked out without a word of goodbye?"

I didn't answer, and my mother looked smug. "You defended me, didn't you? And now you're trying to cover it up by pretending that you don't care?"

"Mother, I would like to get some reading done before school starts."

"You defended me," she said with a smirk.

I picked up the nearest book and engrossed myself in it until she left. Sometimes my mother was the strictest woman in the world, and at other times she reminded me of Hope in the way that she always loved to be right. Then again, we all did. We all had the same fiery red hair and temper that seemed to define the typical Johannson woman. So my plan to leave her out of this had gone astray. It didn't bother me. It seemed that I still had Richard, and if problems occurred with Lorelai Gilmore, then I would show her that I wasn't going to back down. I just wouldn't bring my mother into it this time around.

That night, I spent some quality time with my father. I wasn't going to see him for a very long time. The next morning, Richard called, but we weren't able to see each other. He had to go to an event, which I suspect his mother had a hand in. I went back to Smith the day after, my head held high. I was ready to ignore whatever gossip came my way. I would be strong. I could get through this.


	19. The Girls

**I don't know if anyone was wondering what Victoria Johansson would look like, but I've come up with an actress that could definitely play her part. I think that Joan Allen would be the perfect person. She played Allie's mother from The Notebook extremely well, so, if her hair could be dyed red, I think she could fit into the role of Emily's high-society mother perfectly.**

I was relieved to get back to my apartment at Smith. It was so private. There was no annoying Hope to bother me. The only person that I had to talk to was Sweetie. I hadn't seen her all break because she lived in New Jersey. Mitchell lived in Hartford, so hopefully I would get to see her all the time once we both graduated this spring. I was nervous about graduation. Once I left Smith, I was supposed to be married, or at least engaged to be married. If I wasn't, then I would have to get a job. I would have to live on my own. I knew that my mother would let me stay for a little and plan DAR events. But that wouldn't last forever. I needed a husband to support me. I couldn't get a job. It was a ridiculous notion. Women didn't work, unless they were divorced. It was a disgrace. I needed Richard to ask me to marry him. I would be twenty-two in April. That was bordering too old to be marriageable.

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't even notice Sweetie walk into the room. "Emily! I missed you so much!"

After embracing each other ecstatically, she looked at me with a concerned look. I pretended not to notice it, and started talking about our courses. "Can you believe that that was the last break we'll ever have from college? It's so exciting to be so close to going out on our own into the world, isn't it?"

Sweetie ignored me. "Emily, what exactly is the situation between you and Richard? Are you prepared to handle Linny when she finds out?"

I waved her away as if it was nothing. "Please, Sweetie. Richard and I are still together. I met his parents a few days ago. Linny has already confronted me. It wasn't hard to deal with her, she's such a cowardly little thing."

"Her friends are going to hate us, you know."

I looked up, surprised. "They won't hate you."

"I'm on your side, Emily. They have every reason to hate me."

I didn't _need_ her on my side. I didn't need anyone. "You don't have to still be friends with me if you don't agree with me. You can join the rest of them if you're that worried about you're social standing."

She rolled her eyes. "Emily, you're the one who's always been concerned about that! I could care less. Do you think that I would leave you when you needed me the most? Wouldn't you stick with me if I were in your shoes?"

I didn't look at her. "Of course. And it means a lot that you don't want to ostracize me as well, Sweetie."

I quickly changed the subject to wedding plans, and that lasted us the rest of the evening. I was a little freaked out at Sweetie's question. Would I still love her for who she was? I liked to think that I would. I couldn't picture being the one who hadn't gone through what I had. Before I'd met Richard, I didn't think feelings mattered. I just really hoped that I would be as good of a friend as Sweetie was being towards me.

Our phone rang, and I answered it without thinking. "Hello?"

"Oh. Emily?"

It was Lauren Corren, one of my closest friends. "Hello, Lauren. How was your break?"

"It was fine. Can I talk to Sweetie?"

Her voice was a little too cold for my liking. I really didn't want to lose her. She was the girl I went to when it was time to gossip. The only thing I had ever left her out of was Richard. Sweetie took the phone, and I could barely hear what she was saying.

"Lauren, I can't come over there right now. I'm still unpacking. Come over here."

There was a pause. "Come on, Lauren. I want to see you too."

She hung up. "Lauren's on her way over."

"What did she want?"

"She wanted me to come over, but I wasn't about to leave you here alone."

I didn't want Sweetie being a martyr for me. "You could have gone. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"I didn't want to be in a room full of those girls by myself, either, Emily. It's so much easier to enjoy myself when you're there."

"You're going to have to get used to that, Sweetie, because I'm not going to be invited to any parties anymore."

She stopped pulling shirts out of her bag, and turned around. "Emily, has Richard made you a stranger without a backbone?"

"Of course not. My backbone is perfectly fine, thank you."

"You know what I mean. You never used to care about what anyone else thought. Who cares if they criticize you? You'll just be able to come up with an even better criticism for them. Come on, Emily. Your friends shouldn't scare you."

I didn't answer, partly because I was ashamed of myself, and partly because there was a knock on the door.

I pushed Sweetie out of the way, and answered it. It was Lauren, Alicia, and Courtney. I gave them all exuberant hugs. "How was your break, girls? I've missed you so much. Alicia, I think that you should know that I ran into a certain someone in Hartford and he mentioned that he missed having all of the parties because he didn't get to see you."

Alicia responded in spite of herself. "Really? Are you talking about Alan? I was so glad to be rid of him at first, but then I realized how boring my life was without him."

Lauren gave her a look, which I ignored. "Well, Alan seemed to feel the same way. You should dance with him at the next party. Maybe it will lead somewhere."

Lauren and Courtney walked right past me to hug Sweetie. They all started talking, and I wished that I could just relax and pretend that nothing had happened. These girls were my best friends. I had told them everything about Samuel. Why was it so hard for me to tell them how much I needed Richard? I used to be the girl that everyone followed. Now it was Lauren.

Alicia was still standing next to me. "Emily, I don't know if you want to talk about this or not, but I'm just dying to know. What really happened between you and Richard?"

Out of all of the girls, and there were many more who weren't here tonight, I had liked Alicia the least. Now I realized that she was a wonderful person. I turned around. Lauren and Courtney were staring at me, anger on their faces. I had to explain this to them. "Well, Alicia, from the very first moment I saw Richard, I knew that I felt very strongly about him. I tried to ignore those feelings, but they wouldn't go away."

Sweetie stepped in. "She was a wreck. She wanted to love Samuel so badly that she didn't realize the situation she was in."

"You mean the situation where she stole Richard from Pennilyn Lott?" Lauren cut in.

"Sweetie, I'm fine. Let me take this. Lauren, you'll understand me someday. You'll see the person that you're meant to be with, and you'll know that he's the one. You will probably be braver about it, and go after him. I waited too long, but everything's fine now."

Lauren wasn't done yet. "You can get over those feelings, Emily, if another girl loves him. Since I now know that you don't bother to worry about other girls, I would've gone after the man I wanted. But I didn't, and I got over him."

"Then he wasn't the person you really loved, Lauren. Wait a minute? Why does my outtake on love matter? Besides, you know that I care very deeply about you."

Lauren looked at Courtney and Alicia, and they looked away quickly. "Emily, I didn't want to tell you this, but when Samuel showed interest in you, I was head over heels for him."

I was astonished. "Why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have continued dating him."

"You looked so happy, Emily."

"I was only happy because I had found a man who had the means to support me for the rest of my life. I assume he meant something more to you?"

Her eyes softened for a moment. "Yes, he did. I should have told you. But you should have told us that you had feelings for an engaged man. Anyway, I got over him easily. You could've gotten over Richard and stayed with Samuel."

Alicia rolled her eyes. "Why are we fighting? We all love each other! Emily, I want to hear about Richard. Not the part where you stole him from Linny, but the part where the two of you love each other."

"Are you in love?" Courtney asked.

"I don't know. There are times when I'm the happiest woman in the world, and there are times that I want to cry because we've gotten into a dreadful fight. We always apologize to each other, and then everything is okay again."

Lauren sighed. "It sounds like love to me."

They kept asking me questions, and I answered them truthfully. I liked sharing my life with them. I had kept so much of it private for so long. Courtney and Lauren were still a little miffed at me for breaking Pennilyn's heart. I knew that we wouldn't be as close as we used to be. I was fine by myself, however. The rest of the school wouldn't be so kind.


	20. How To Stop

Sweetie burst into my room as I sat on the bed, poring over an ancient history book. "Emily! A couple of us are going over to New Haven to see our men. Want to come?"

"No thanks," I answered her quickly. "Have fun."

"Emily, we've gone up there at least four times already this semester, and you've declined our invitation every time."

I wasn't going to get any work done with her badgering me to go. "New Haven's in a completely different state. I don't feel like sitting in a car both ways with those girls."

"Most of them are civil to you now, Emily. And you haven't seen Richard ever since break ended."

She was right. I hadn't seen him since I had left his parents' house, and hadn't spoken to him since that phone call where my mother had interrupted us. "Sweetie, I think it's unladylike for you to go up there uninvited every time. You shouldn't be initiating it. That's Mitchell's job."

"We're engaged, Emily."

"That doesn't matter. He should be coming here. We shouldn't have to drive all the way there."

"Do whatever you want. I miss Mitchell, and I'm going to go see him."

She walked out of the room, and I buried my face back into the book. I knew that Richard was busy, and so was I. I wasn't going to go so low as to call him. He needed to call me. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter if he didn't call, but the pain kept rushing back. Why did I need him so much? I was avoiding everyone now. I hated to hear Sweetie be so happy and engaged, and I didn't trust any of the other girls not to turn on me.

My grades were better than ever without a man to distract me. I wasn't going out every night to talk to the girls or to drive all the way to New Haven. It was better to not be distracted. I didn't know what I needed the good grades for, but I was getting them, and that was all that mattered.

Richard finally called after a full month of school. I wanted to rage at him for hours. "Emily, how has school been going for you?"

"Fine," I replied, barely being able to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Emily, are we still dating?"

Way to be blunt. "I don't know. Are we? This is the first time we've spoken in weeks, Richard. I thought that you would at least call to let me know you got to Yale safely."

"You could have called me, Emily."

Of course I could have. Something in me had snapped after that last phone call. I wanted to adjust to school. I wanted him to have called me. "Richard, I've come up to Yale dozens of times. Can't you come visit me for once?"

There was a pause over the phone. "I'm coming over now."

"Fine. We'll continue this discussion then."

I was still furious at him, but I also wanted to see him. I had to get myself out of this odd mood that I'd been in for the past few months.

When he came over, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Why exactly didn't you call me?"

"Emily, I don't know. I thought that you would, and then you didn't, and it got harder to call. I'm sorry."

Watching him talk was extremely distracting. I pursed my lips. "This won't happen again?"

"I can promise you that I'll call you three times a day, Emily."

Looking at him was too much. We had been apart for so long. I leaned in, and kissed him. It was far better than I had remembered. I let him lie me down on the bed as we kept kissing. This was the point that I usually stopped Samuel. Why wasn't I stopping Richard? It scared me that I was unable to stop myself. Kissing him felt way too exciting. I finally was able to pull myself away from him. I rolled over and closed my eyes, trying to calm my beating heart.

Richard rolled over as well. "Emily? What's wrong?"

I forced a smile. "Nothing, Richard. I just wanted to talk more."

I expected the disappointed look that I normally got from Samuel. Instead, he sat up, and took my hand in his. "Whatever you'd like, Emily."

He was too perfect. So what did I want? My body yearned to explore him, to start kissing him and never stop. That was too dangerous, though. I sat up. "Are you having a good semester so far?"

"I think so. I like all of my classes, especially economics."

"That's good, even though economics isn't exactly my type of class."

He smiled. "I bet that you'd be good at any type of class, Emily."

"No, I wouldn't. Why would you say that? You know absolutely nothing about my studies."

He looked a bit taken aback. "I can just tell that you're a very studious woman."

"Oh, please. Stop being all polite and tell me what you really think."

I needed to keep talking, to somehow distract myself from this intense physical attraction I had to him.

"You're right. I don't know much about you. I'd like to find out, though."

I leaned closer to him. "I've never taken economics, so even I can't answer my own question."

We sat in silence for a moment, and then Richard cupped my face with his hands. "You're so beautiful, Emmy."

I hated nicknames. I always had. I believed that a person should be called by the name they were given. Sweetie was the exception. She'd always been called Sweetie ever since she got to Smith. This nickname, however, sounded sweeter than any name I'd ever been called.

There was no response needed for that except for to lean in and kiss him again. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being close to Richard. My body yearned to be even closer, though. I took my arms away from his neck, and let my hands travel along the muscles of his chest. I was so preoccupied in his body that I forgot what that reaction might prompt in him. Just as his hands were inching up my shirt, something that I was unable to stop him from doing because I was enjoying myself too much, I heard the door open. We jumped about three feet apart, and I ran out of the bedroom. "Sweetie?"

Her eyes traveled up and down me, and I fervently hoped that my hair wasn't too mussed. Richard came out of the bedroom. "I should be going, Emily."

"Wait, Richard. This is my friend, Sweetie. We stay together."

"Nice to meet you, Sweetie."

She grinned at me, and then turned back to Richard. "It's great to finally meet you. Sweetie isn't my real name, by the way. It's just something that Emily and our friends started."

He nodded. "It's a nice nickname. I'll call you, Emily?"

"You better remember."

He kissed me on the cheek, and then walked out. I sighed, and looked over at Sweetie. "How do you do it?"

"How do I do what? I'm so excited that Richard was here, though."

This wasn't an easy question to ask. I just needed to know. "I know that you're crazy about Mitchell. How do you not have sex with him?"

She burst out laughing. "You look so worried, Emily! The same way you and Samuel never had sex. You just don't!"

I rolled my eyes. "I know that, Sweetie. It was so easy with Samuel. But doesn't some part of you want to, when you're with Mitchell?"

"Of course. But I want to save something for the wedding night. Don't you?"

"Yes. It would be unladylike to do anything else. I just think it's exceedingly difficult."

She laughed. "You'll get used to it. Besides, it's not as if kissing Mitchell for hours isn't fun. You seem to have gotten that part down fine."

I bristled. "We were talking. I'm mad at him because he never called me."

"Whatever you say, Emily."

I walked back into my room, and let my thoughts linger over that past afternoon. Then something hit me. What if Richard had had intercourse before?


	21. Surprise!

I shook that absurd thought out of my head. Ladies weren't supposed to think like that! I was breaking all of my rules, and I hated it. First of all, I had approached Richard. A woman never asked a man out. And now I was thinking all of these thoughts that I wasn't supposed to think about.

Sweetie was looking at me like I was crazy half the time now. I just stayed at home, and studied. I was an amazing student. Richard called me every night at 8, and we would talk about everything. I would get so into the conversations we would have that I would forget my qualms about his past experiences. We always ended up arguing, and I would be so mad at him one moment, and adoring him the next moment.

I would get so angry at him when he would tell me about the childish pranks he and his accomplices would pull on poor, unsuspecting freshmen. It really irked me that sometimes he didn't think of anyone but himself. I managed to ignore that, only arguing with him when I felt he had done something horrible. After all, he was a college boy, and some of the pranks he pulled were quite funny.

During the rare times we would see each other, we would spend hours discussing our lives, and then we would spend hours in each others arms. He was perfect, except for that thought that kept nagging at me. I really didn't want to know the answer.

One night, Sweetie and I were sitting quietly in the room when Lauren and Courtney burst in, inviting us over to a party next door. "I really hope you come, Emily, you've been such a hermit lately," Courtney remarked.

Lauren, who still hadn't forgiven me, raised an eyebrow. "You know, Emily, you've really been reminding me of Pennilyn Lott lately. All either of you do is sit in your rooms."

I rolled my eyes, realizing that Lauren and I would never be close again. "I am nothing like Pennilyn Lott. Of course I'll come."

I walked into the room next door, and started chatting with a few girls. I soon realized that the crowd was full of girls who I hadn't really spoken to this semester. There were a few men from various schools just standing around, so I avoided the girls by talking to them. Sweetie pulled me away for a few moments to introduce me to a few girls she had met over break.

Suddenly, she froze, and looked at me nervously. I turned around to see Linny Lott herself being dragged into the room by a few of my friends. They really wanted to see some drama, and I knew that I would turn into the public enemy again if I didn't handle myself well. I turned back towards the girls with a smile. "Did you know that the Corter twins are fighting over the same man? I don't recall his name, but he can't tell the difference between them."

One of the new girls, who had no idea who I was and who Linny was, continued the discussion. "Really?

Sweetie gave me another nervous look. "Yes, the poor man is going to find himself overwhelmed."

Then Sharon Fox walked in. I had liked her a lot, but she was Pennilyn's best friend and I know that she wouldn't be scared to confront me. I was correct. She grabbed Pennilyn's arm and walked straight up towards me. "Hello, Emily. What are you doing here?"

I gave her a fake smile. "Lauren invited me. What are you doing here?"

"That's so odd, Lauren came to our dorm and invited us, right, Pennilyn?"

When Pennilyn failed to answer her, Sharon continued. "You have no right to be here. Linny's been stuck in her room for ages because she hasn't had anyone to go out with. You seem to be doing fine in _that_ department."

I turned to Linny. "Do you like having your friend depict you as a weak little girl who can't go to parties without a boyfriend?"

Sharon opened her mouth, but Linny cut her off. "I am not weak. I didn't steal someone's fiancé out of pure spite."

"Spite? If you are talking about me, you should probably use a word such as attraction."

Sharon stepped closer to me. "I can not believe that you are being so mean, Emily. It's as if you don't care about Linny's feelings at all."

"I do care about your feelings, Linny. I just happen to care about mine a bit more. I'm sorry that you aren't engaged anymore, but nothing's stopping you from finding someone else."

Linny was weakening. "It's not that easy. You are a hateful creature, Emily."

I walked up to Sweetie. "I'm going to Yale to visit someone that will actually appreciate my presence there."

An hour later, I knocked on Richard's door. "Emily! To what do I owe this surprise visit?"

I smiled. "You owe me nothing. It's just the fact that you are you."

And without hesitation, I kissed him softly once on the lips. He grabbed my hand and led me towards the bed. We started to kiss again. The kiss deepened, but I didn't want to stop it. I just wanted to forget all of my troubles and focus solely on this amazing man who made me feel completely alive. As his hands slowly crept up my blouse, I felt more excited than I'd ever been before. Richard Gilmore was the man for me. I would never love anyone else the way that I loved him. As his hands finally reached my breasts, I felt a pulse of electricity shoot through me. He was so good at this; so experienced. I suddenly remembered my worries before, and slowly grabbed his hands and brought them onto my stomach. I rolled away from him.

He was breathless. "What's the matter, Emily? Did I go too far?"

I was also having trouble breathing, but somehow managed to get the words out. "Richard? Have you done this before?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

The words were so hard to get out of my mouth, but I had to ask. "Have you ever had sexual intercourse before?"

He took my hand in his, and looked at me. "I have to be honest with you. Yes."

I tore my hand away from his. I felt betrayed. "With Pennilyn?"

He sighed, and I knew that, as always, Pennilyn had ruined something good between us. "Yes."


	22. My Turn to Leave

I jerked away from him in horror, and smoothed my shirt out. He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away. "Don't you dare touch me."

"I can explain, Emily."

I was struggling to get my shoe back on. I was so upset that I could barely move. "I'm sure you do. Did you not understand what you were doing? Did sweet little Linny put a spell on you?"

He sat up, and stopped trying to grab my hand. "Emily, we were engaged. We had been together for two years. What else did you expect?"

"I would have expected that from Pennilyn Lott, definitely, I'm sure she views it as a form of love or some idiotic thing like that. But I thought you were more of a gentleman than that. Now if you'll excuse me, it's getting late and I have a long drive."

Richard sighed, but I turned away from his face. It was too much to have to look at him. "Are you angry with me, Emily?" he asked.

"I just don't want to have to think of Pennilyn Lott when I'm near you, that's all. Besides, I'm sure I can find someone else who hasn't already been intimate with a desperate girl."

I grabbed my purse, but he stopped me. "Emily, I know that you and Pennilyn have had your problems. But that gives you no right to insult her. I loved her, Emily. It was the natural thing to do."

"You obviously didn't love her if you left her in the condition she's in!"

I wasn't even concentrating on what I was saying anymore. I wanted to get into my own safe room and talk to Sweetie. After I screamed at Lauren for causing this whole night to happen, of course.

He looked exasperated. "You wanted me to leave her. And I left her because you are the most fascinating woman I've ever met. What condition are you talking about?"

"She's a ruined woman, Richard. Who's going to marry her now?"

"We aren't in the 1800's anymore, that hardly matters."

Suddenly I was doing something I'd never thought I'd do in millions of years; defending that despicable woman. "So this is how little you care about women? You ruin them and then you leave them?"

"I am never going to leave you, Emily. And I did hurt Pennilyn, but that was necessary. I needed to be with you."

"You and Pennilyn were together when you knew me. Are you saying that from the moment you met me you never touched Pennilyn again?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that."

I gave him a wry smile. "I thought so. You said that you're never going to leave me?"

"Never."

"Fine. Then I'm going to have to be the one to leave you."

I walked outside, and didn't go straight to my car. I needed to clear my head before driving home in the dark. I was so concentrated on every single step that I took so I didn't have to think about what was going on that I bumped straight into a man.

"Samuel!" I exclaimed in surprise.

"Emily!" he answered. "It's been way too long."

I impulsively gave him a hug. He had gotten more muscular since the last time I'd seen him.

He gestured over to a bench. "Do you want to sit down, and catch up for a while?"

It was getting late. "Aren't you angry with me? The rest of the world seems to be."

"Why would I be angry with you?"

I rolled my eyes. He led me over to the bench. "Emily, I know that you have another boyfriend and that you've moved on. But I still want to be able to talk to you."

I smiled at him. He was certainly a nice distraction. "Did you realize that we stopped talking to each other in the last few months of our relationship?"

He nodded. "I didn't notice it while we were together, but when I thought about our past conversations, I realized that there had been none, besides my proposal."

I touched his arm. "I am sorry, Samuel. I wish that there could have been a better ending."

Samuel started playing with my hair, a habit that I had originally found endearing, and then found annoying once I had started to tire of him. "Emily, are you happy with your life right now?"

I was so far from happy, and for a moment I wanted Samuel to make me happier again. But I knew that would never work out. "I don't know, Samuel."

He let go of my hair. "Because, if you aren't, I want you to know that I'm still here. I'll wait for you until you let me know that you are perfectly happy with your life."

He was so sweet. And it made me feel even more horrible that I couldn't love him, that I could never make him feel happy. "That's nice to know, Samuel. I do miss talking to you. I really should get going, though."

He walked me to my car. If only he'd been this caring while we were still together, I might have had more incentive to stay in the relationship. I turned towards him. "Samuel, if you find another woman, please don't feel like you have to keep waiting for me."

He nodded sadly, and I got into the car and drove away. Samuel had at least distracted me from the pain I was going through, but now it was worse. Now I knew that no one could ever compare to Richard. I got back to Smith and immediately stormed into Lauren's room. I was surprised to see Sweetie still there.

She ran up to me. "Emily! I've been so worried! Richard called me an hour ago telling me you were coming home, and wanting to make sure you got there safely. When you didn't show up, I came here, thinking this would be the first place you would be."

"I'm perfectly fine, Sweetie."

"Good, then I'll go let Richard know."

He was so annoying, checking up on me like that. "Don't even bother, and you're right, I did come here for a reason."

I strolled up to Lauren, who was casually sitting and talking to a few of our friends. Pennilyn and Sharon were still here. It was so hard to tear my eyes away from Pennilyn, who was trying to look like she was having fun. I again felt that odd pang of sympathy when I glanced at her. I reluctantly turned back to Lauren. "Why on earth would you invite me and Pennilyn Lott to the same party?"

Lauren sighed. "Emily, you are both my friends, and this is my party. If you can't handle that, then don't come next time."

"I can handle girls like that perfectly fine, Lauren. I'm just wondering what suddenly made them your friends?"

Lauren ignored the question, and studied me closely. "You and Richard had a fight, didn't you, and that's why you're back. It's why Sweetie is over here still, trying to find you to talk to you. What happened?"

I glanced over at Pennilyn, and felt like blaming her for everything. Instead, I coolly glared at Lauren. "There was a time when I considered you to be my closest friend, Lauren. If you really want to know what occurs in my personal life, you can start acting like a friend again. Sweetie, let's go."

I ignored her questions about my night as we walked back. "I just want to go to bed, Sweetie, we'll talk tomorrow."

I decided it was completely Lauren's fault. If she hadn't invited Pennilyn, I would never have gone to Richard's, and then I wouldn't have found out about Richard. Even though I knew it was ridiculous, that was the easiest solution for now.


	23. Confidence

I woke up late the next morning, and had one moment of peace before last night's events came rushing back to me. Sweetie was sitting on her bed, calmly doing her homework. I knew that she wasn't going to leave me alone until she found out what was wrong. I didn't even know the answer to that myself.

All of my anger had faded overnight. I wasn't mad at Richard, exactly, I just knew that I could never kiss Richard again without thinking of Pennilyn. She had obviously already satisfied him well enough. I knew that I was far more attractive than Pennilyn, and was better able to capture a man's attention, but I knew nothing as far as physical love went. I had always been in control of the man I was with, and they always had wanted me. Richard didn't want just me. He would always remember his experiences with Pennilyn. I wanted to talk to him, just to be near him, but I knew it would hurt too much. I hated that it had come to the point where I was jealous of a pathetic little thing like Pennilyn.

I closed my eyes to go back to sleep, but Sweetie had noticed me. "Emily? Please tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed. "I don't feel like talking about it right now."

"It's something to do with Richard, I know. Emily, he really does care about you. He sounded so distraught on the phone last night when I told him that you weren't home yet."

"I was under no obligation to come straight home. I happened to run into an old friend on the way out, that's all."

Sweetie came over and sat down on my bed. "Why was he so upset? Did you get into a fight?"

"He's upset? Why should he be upset? He's the one who was intimate with Pennilyn Lott! I go over there to get away from her, but she's everywhere! I can't escape her, Sweetie. As long as I'm with Richard, she will always be haunting me."

Sweetie gave me a hug. "You don't need to worry about her. Richard loves you."

"He's never said that. He openly has told me that he loved her, but he never told me that he loves me. Besides, we are never going to work out. His mother hates me."

"Emily, don't worry about his mother. So Richard and Pennilyn had sex. That was in the past. Richard does love you, even if he's never told you so. I can tell by how worried he sounded on the phone. Why can't the two of you just talk to each other?"

I looked down for a moment, not wanting to say the words that were about to come out of my mouth. "Sweetie, what if…what if I'm not as good at being with him as she was?"

She looked like she was about to burst out laughing, but instead she wrapped her arms around me. "Impossible. You're Emily Johannson. You are beautiful, inside and out. There's no way that girl can even come close to what you are able to do."

I sighed. "Should I go and talk to him?"

"Let him come to you. I'm sure he will today. And for now, new subject! Let's talk about me and the fact that the only bridal dresses we have found make you look too gorgeous compared to me."

I smiled, trying to get into a better mood. "I'd still outshine you even if I wore a garbage bag."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, then let's go find the most disgusting garbage bag possible."

We went shopping, and had a good time, but I still had Richard in the back of my mind. I had felt some sort of power in leaving him last night. At least I didn't appear to be weak, even though I really was. We got home, and he was sitting in front of our dorm, with Mitchell. As we got closer, we noticed a cluster of girls around them. Sharon Fox happened to be sitting next to Richard, chatting with him. I didn't even care about the girls. I only cared that he was sitting with Mitchell. Richard wasn't even friends with him, so it must have been very important for him to ask Mitchell to come with him.

Sweetie grabbed my hand, and dragged me to our door. "Well, it looks like we have quite a party in front of our apartment, doesn't it, Emily? What on earth are you all doing here?"

"Well, we noticed these two handsome young men sitting by themselves, so we had to keep them company," said one of the girls.

"How sweet of you," Sweetie replied. "Well, we're going inside. Have a nice day!"

Mitchell stood up, and snagged her waist as she went in the door. I followed, wondering if Richard was going to come in or if he was going to keep talking to Sharon Fox. He stood up, said goodbye to everyone, and came in.

I playfully gave Mitchell a hug. "Were you invited here? This is a girls' only place."

Sweetie gave me a look, and took Mitchell's hand. "We're going to be in my room if you need us!"

Perfect. I opened the door, and the gaggle of girls had left. "Hello, Richard."

He took my hand. "I know that you don't want to see me right now. But I just want you to know that I am sorry you feel the way you do. I hate that something that will always be in the past is going to obstruct our future."

"I'm sorry for leaving you last night, Richard. We should have discussed the problem first. I just hate knowing that I wasn't first."

Richard drew me closer to him. "Emily, you are the most captivating woman I've ever laid eyes on. Last night, I tried to imagine life without you, and I just can't. It's hard watching you leave me even when we are on good terms. I just want to be near you."

I wanted him with every fiber of my body, yet my pride took over my heart. "When you kiss me, do you think of Pennilyn?"

He leaned in so close that it was getting harder to resist. "In those last few days, whenever I was with Pennilyn I was imagining you."

I was trying not to cry. Those words meant so much to me. "That's how I knew I needed you, too. I imagined you when I was with Samuel."

He kissed me with more passion than ever before. "Now we don't have to pretend anymore. I love you, Emily Johansson. You mean everything to me."

My brain was screaming at me, telling me how fake those words sounded, but I couldn't be rational any longer. I took a deep breath. "I love you too, Richard."

We kissed again, and then I started to laugh. "You and Mitchell were a spectacle outside of our room. What did the girls think you were doing?"

He kissed the top of my head. "I was actually very bored until the girls came. You know that I don't ever talk to Mitchell."

It didn't even take two minutes for me to find something new that annoyed me about Richard, but I needed him too much for that to even matter. "Sweetie and I will be friends forever, so you might as well start becoming best friends with Mitchell."

He laughed as he brought my face closer to his. "I'll try, I suppose."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him again. This was pure bliss-if I didn't think about the reasons I'd been so upset earlier.


	24. Forever and Always

Richard and I had a few months without any problems, really. Yes, we fought all the time, but somehow we loved each other too much to even notice it. While Richard had distracted me enough, my mind was still working enough to know that I should try to fix these imperfections, but seeing him again soon made me forget what I had wanted to talk to him about. Sweetie was laughing at me, because I had finally realized that nobody was perfect. Richard was far more interesting than Mitchell, who was actually perfect. Richard had also been amazing about the whole sex issue, so amazing that I was starting to need more then just his sweet kisses again.

Sweetie's wedding was coming up, and as maid of honor, I was running around like crazy. Richard was busy finishing up his prestigious Yale degree, and doing God-knows-what with his fraternity. The one fight that I didn't let leave my mind with a heavenly kiss was Richard's insistence on having nothing to do with the wedding.

I had asked him to go and help a few of Mitchell's friends to prepare for his bachelor party. However, he had something different in mind. "Listen, Emmy, I love you, and any friend of yours is mine too. But I really do not have the time to spend all that time with Mitchell and his friends. I already come up here too many times during the week. I hardly have time for my friends now."

This one was not going to be solved by a kiss. "No one said you had to come to Smith, Richard. That's completely your choice. In fact, I don't care if I don't see you for the next two weeks, as long as you help plan the bachelor party, show up at it, and come to the wedding and rehearsal dinner."

He let go of my hand. "Emily, do you even hear yourself? That's so much to do."

"Well, I am the maid-of-honor. Therefore it is our responsibility to participate in every event pertaining to Sweetie's wedding."

Richard shook his head earnestly. "Don't you see, Emily? Those codes of society are only for married couples. Just because Sweetie's getting married doesn't mean we both suddenly have to grow older."

He was so clueless. "You would've been married by now, Richard."

"And its back to Pennilyn Lott again, isn't it, Emily?"

I sighed. Why did we have to argue again? "I didn't bring her up. I just said that you were fully prepared to be a married man. Besides, that should have nothing to do with doing something for me and helping Mitchell out."

"Can we finish this discussion later?"

I smiled. "Of course, Richard. Go home and get your work done so that you'll be free for whenever the groomsmen need you!"

He walked out of there without saying a word. I had been so used to living in complete bliss that I had forgotten what it felt like to have a real argument versus a regular lovers spat.

When I told Sweetie about it, she told me that I was completely insane, and that Richard did not have to be friends with Mitchell. I could tell that she was hurt, though. I would just have to make Richard get along with Mitchell.

He called me later that night. "Emily, if you feel that its necessary, I will go to the bachelor party, and I will behave at the wedding. But I'm not going to help plan it."

"Richard, I'm not upset because you do not want to go to all of these events. If you had tried to even communicate with Mitchell and Sweetie for the whole time we were dating, then maybe I wouldn't have to force you to do any of these 'awful' things. But you haven't tried, Richard. Not one bit. These people are important to me."

I could hear him sighing over the phone. "Emily, you aren't friends with all of my friends."

"Every time I go over there, I talk to David for at least ten minutes, and sometimes I'll even drop in a word with Kelly. I don't ask you to gossip with Lisbette or any of my other friends. It would be nice if you could acknowledge my closest friend."

It was silent for a moment. "I'll try harder, I suppose, Emily. Is everything alright now?"

It wasn't. But what else was I supposed to say? "Yes, Richard. Everything is fine."

Richard did go to all of the proper events, but he was no fun to be around. I vowed not to let it bother me too much. It was Sweetie who I needed to focus on, and no one else.

The wedding day finally came. I ran around like crazy, checking with Sweetie's family to make sure everything was perfect. Richard had gone to the bachelor party, and, as far as I knew, nothing odd had happened. I was more worried about the girls in Sweetie's wedding party. Two were from her hometown, and one was Mitchell's sister. I was fine with them. But the other two were Lauren and Courtney. They were truly Sweetie's closest Smith friends, besides me. It was just so hard for us to get along when they still held Pennilyn's newest bout into depression over my head. Sweetie had faced such a hard dilemma in the guest list. I finally convinced her to invite all of the girls who recently began hating me because I didn't want to ruin her wedding, and I wanted to show Richard off to them. That wasn't going to happen if we weren't on speaking terms.

The wedding was about to start in fifteen minutes, and Sweetie stood by herself in the room with her mother and me. I was about to excuse myself so she could spend some time with her mother, but her mother left for a moment to go check on Sweetie's younger sister.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was wearing blue again, but I didn't look as ravishing as I had the night I stole Richard. Then I looked at Sweetie, and realized that she could be the ugliest person in the world and still look more beautiful than me today. "You look absolutely stunning, Sweetie."

She shook her head. "You'll still outshine me, Emily."

"Me? Sweetie, you're the one with the man who'd die for you. He's perfect, absolutely perfect."

Sweetie gave me a hug. "I'm so nervous! Emily, soon it will be me looking at you in the white dress and giving you advice."

"You'd be my matron of honor, because you'd be old and experienced," I laughed, holding on tightly to the only person who really understood me. "It's not going to happen. I lost my chance at a marriage proposal."

Sweetie shook her head. "Emily, you are not doing this five minutes before my wedding! Richard loves you. He has since the moment he met you, and he always will."

I sighed. "I'm supposed to be comforting you, Sweetie. I'm going to go and let your mother talk to you. I'll see you up there."

"You never are going to be able to admit the truth, but it's there, Emily."

I walked out the door, and then slowly turned around. "Sweetie, I come first. Mitchell will always be a second."

She grinned at me. "Go away before I throw my veil at you."

I stood there with the other bridesmaids, tears pouring down my face as I watched Sweetie become one with Mitchell. My eyes met Richard's for a moment, and it was so hard to look at him. Why were we arguing? How were we ever going to work out? I refocused on Sweetie, watching as she repeated after the very best minister on the East Coast, "I do." Sweetie and Mitchell together. Forever and always. The fairy-tale ending.


	25. Wedding Party

After posing for all the necessary pictures, the dancing began. I grabbed a few of my friends, and we started to dance. It was so easy to lose myself with the music, and to dance with the number of men that weren't too shy to join us. I danced with many handsome strangers, but it was getting obvious that they were attracted to me. That really irked me, so I decided to dance with all of the taken men, who hopefully were more obsessed with their girlfriends than me. It didn't last long. The moment a slow song came on, Richard gallantly tapped the shoulder of the man I was dancing with, and took my hands in his.

"It was a beautiful wedding" he commented as we twirled around the dozens of couples who looked so in love.

"It was, wasn't it? Mitchell and Sweetie are so lucky to have each other."

Richard drew me closer to him. "I went to the bachelor party."

"Thank you. I know that it must have been awful and no fun."

He nodded. "My feelings still haven't changed about Mitchell. I do like your roommate however."

"It's Sweetie, Richard. I don't know what your aversion to that nickname is, but that is what we call her. It's very endearing."

Richard ignored that comment, and it was silent for a few moments. "Emily, I don't like that we haven't been communicating well this week."

"I don't like it either. I suppose this is just a part of our relationship that we have to work through."

He was about to respond when the band stopped playing to introduce the new married couple. As they walked in, and their song started to play, Richard and I were suddenly swarmed by all the women I had been trying to avoid. As if it wasn't hard to enough to have to deal with my failing relationship.

I tried to be cordial. "Isn't it a lovely wedding? Sweetie looks like such an angel."

A few of them ignored me, a few stared at Richard's hand in mine with disgust, and a few smiled at me. Only Lauren answered, "I'm so jealous. I hope that I look like that when I get married."

"Me too."

One of the less bright girls piped up eagerly. "Ooh, are you getting married, Emily?"

Richard looked over with annoyance; he did not have the stamina to put up with such girls. "Do you see a ring?" I asked sweetly.

"Oh, no, sorry, Emily."

"Richard and I were just about to go congratulate the happy couple, so we will stop and chat later," I said cheerily as I walked away as fast as I could.

"Emily, you don't have to stay with me, I know that you're friends with many of these girls."

"Richard, none of them are as important as the conversation that we were having."

He smiled. "Well, that's certainly nice to hear."

"Richard, there is a reputation that I have to uphold, and it would be nice to see my boyfriend at those events. If it's really too painful for you to do, then fine, I understand. But I insist on you getting along with my best friend and her husband."

"I suppose I can arrange that. And from now on, we talk to each other when something is wrong, Emmy."

"All right." We stood there in silence for a moment, and then he pulled me back on the dance floor.

After a few dances, I went around and talked to all the girls who were my friends. By the end of the night, I had managed to win back most of the girls who were unsure about Richard and me.

Before I left, I managed to pull Sweetie aside. "Well? Are you having fun?"

"The best time, Emily. Are you and Richard better?"

"We're perfect. Are you excited for tonight?"

"Oh, Emily, since when have you become so crude?"

I widened my eyes innocently. "Crude? I was referring to the fact that you are a married woman, nothing crude." Sweetie and Mitchell weren't even going on a proper honeymoon, because we still had school, so I assumed they would just spend a few days in Mitchell's apartment. Sweetie and I were still living together, though, because she still goes to Smith.

Sweetie gave me a hug. "I'm sure that's what you meant, Emily."

Richard came up behind me, and enveloped my waist in his arms. "Congratulations…Sweetie."

"Thank you, Richard. Did you have a good time?"

"The best."

I gave her one more hug, and then I walked off with Richard. Hopefully everything would be alright between us. I just wished that I could be Sweetie, the happily married woman. Her future secure with a handsome husband. I knew that I could have had that with Samuel, but Richard and I had something more. Something better.


	26. Plans For Dinner

I was home again for a long weekend, but really longing to be back at school. Something about my mother was bothering me, and I couldn't tell what it was. She obviously had something to say to me, and I feared that it had something to do with Richard and me.

I was right, after I had been home for only two days; my mother came into my room. "How is Richard doing?" she asked.

"He's doing fine; he looks as if he is on the road to graduating with top honors. If only he could find a job, then everything would be perfect."

"That sounds wonderful. And what about you, Emily? Are you looking for a job?"

Well, that was unexpected. No one expected me to be the perfect housewife more than my mother did. "A job? Whatever for?"

"Emily, it seems to me that you aren't settling down with anyone soon. After college, what are you going to do with yourself?"

"I'll find something, if necessary. My professor did mention a research position on European history that I could take, or I could get a teacher's degree. But that's not going to happen. I'm not going to have to work."

My mother sat down on the bed. "Emily, working and supporting yourself is the last thing that I want you to have to do. You are not engaged, and you are going to graduate soon."

She was correct, but I hated her bringing this up. As if I couldn't take care of myself. "I still have time, Mother. Is there anything else that you wanted?"

She hesitated. "Well, since you don't seem to be too worried about the state of your relationship with Richard, I think that it's time that our families get together."

I shuddered at the thought of Lorelai Gilmore. "Mother, you can't stand his family, so why have to spend any extra time with them than necessary?"

"It's only polite. Besides, I would really love to be in the room with you any time you have to come in contact with that woman. It might save you from unnecessarily defending me."

I could see her almost smiling, so I rolled my eyes. "I did not defend you."

"Whatever you say, Emily."

"This isn't necessary, Mother. This dinner should occur only if Richard and I get more serious, and discuss long-term plans for the future."

Hope wandered into the room. "I don't see what's wrong with you just going and getting a job, Emily. Why should you have to depend on Richard for money?"

"Because that's the way it should be. I was born to rule society, just as Mother does and just as our grandmother did. You were born for this life, too, Hope."

Hope rolled her eyes. "You are crazy, Emily. I was not born to get married and order around servants. I was born to travel the world and do something meaningful. Maybe I won't get married at all."

I was about to reprimand her when my mother stepped in. "Hope, you will do no such thing. Since you seem to be so fond of the boys at an early age, then you should have no problem marrying by the time you're Emily's age."

"Yes, she will," I cut in. "She won't find a proper husband, not with that attitude."

Hope smirked at me. "At least I won't be starving on the streets. I'll be able to support myself."

"No one would hire you, either."

"Enough, girls. Now, Emily, I'll make that call?"

I closed my eyes. "I really don't think that this will amount to any good."

Hope piped up in the corner. "Good, proper ladies are supposed to listen to their mothers forever."

I ignored her. "Mother, why do you want this so badly? You tried your best to stop me from going to his house in the first place, and now you are inviting them over?"

My mother got that insane look in her eyes again. "You need to establish yourself as his girlfriend. I didn't know if you would last before, but it seems that you are serious. This is what's best for you, Emily."

I sighed. "Fine, make the call if that's what you wish."

My mother bounced out of the room, and Hope looked at me quizzically. "Why did you let her do that? She just wants to go yell at Richard's mother."

I searched for any other reason and then nodded. "That would be entertaining."

"Are you sure you don't want me there? I can yell and scream too."

"Mother won't embarrass herself. She'll just make sure Lorelai Gilmore knows her place. And she was telling the truth. I do need to be established as his girlfriend, if he's not planning on proposing any time soon."

My mother returned ten minutes later. "It's done, they are coming over here next week Hope, you can stay home if you behave yourself. Emily, I know you'll be back at school but I expect you to drive home."

"Yes, Mother."

So I went back to school, thinking that this couldn't end up good. It was completely necessary, but we all had hot tempers. I really hated that woman too. It hurt to hear her criticize my mother, and most of all I hated to hear her criticize me. I love her son, and he loves me, and she doesn't even try to be polite. As if for some reason, she is above such courtesy.

Richard called me one night after dinner. "Emily, whose idea was this dinner?"

"My mother's. I know that it's probably very inconvenient for you to leave Yale, but she would really like to meet your family, even though she's already met your mother."

"Oh, she has? I wasn't aware."

That internal anger sprung up inside me again, the anger I'd only really felt when at that horrible dinner. "Richard, you know very well that she has!"

"Emily, I don't remember every person my mother has ever communicated with, seeing as for most of her life I wasn't born yet."

I sighed. I wasn't ever going to get anywhere with this topic. I just had to balance my priorities. With every man there was some darkness-and his mother was exactly that. I wasn't going to risk losing him for that reason. "Well, Richard, the dinner is on no matter what. I will see you on Saturday. Goodbye, Richard."

On Saturday, I drove home. I was very apprehensive about this, especially because Mother didn't find an insane asylum to take Hope for the night. I couldn't trust her to be on any sort of behavior, especially if she decided that she didn't like the Gilmores. I knew that she loved Richard for some reason, but she wouldn't love his family.

I got home three hours before the Gilmores were due to arrive. My mother was yelling at the maid, something I'd never seen her do.

I walked in. "Hello, Mother. Too bad you don't have the time to fire the maid before tonight."

"Relax, Emily, no one is losing their job here. I just would like everything to be presentable, and it's not at the moment."

I looked my mother up and down. She was very stressed, so I went into the kitchen and made sure that the maid knew exactly what she was supposed to be doing. "Mother, I knew that this dinner wouldn't be good for you."

"Oh, please, Emily, I can handle myself. There are unpleasant aspects of life that one just has to deal with."

"I just don't want to see you hurt. And it is me, isn't it? It's my poor choice of men that has made you feel the way you do."

My mother sat down. "Emily, when Richard came over here, I saw the way you looked at him. You're madly in love with him. That's why you and Samuel didn't get married, and that's why Richard and Pennilyn didn't get married. The two of you are meant for each other."

It was rare that she displayed such emotion. "Well, that's true. Ever since I met Richard, I've become a crazy madwoman."

"Oh, Emily, that's what love is. And you're lucky to have found it. Not everyone gets to marry for love. Our family just has a streak of getting exactly what we want somehow."

I smiled. "Well, then I certainly love this family."

I went upstairs, and got dressed. When I came back downstairs, my whole family was waiting. I went up to my father. "I'm sorry if this dinner is going to bore you."

My father shook his head. "I've heard enough about this family, and I would like to meet them. Victoria, are you alright?"

She had turned pale and she was looking out the window. "They're here."

Even Hope looked scared. "I've never seen her like this; it can't be good."

The maid opened the door, and suddenly my mother was the ever-so-charming hostess. "Hello, hello, please come in."

I watched as the three of them walked in. My mother smiled. "Please, give Sara your coats."

I smiled politely. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore. I hope that your trip was comfortable."

Hope ran forward, giving Richard a hug. "Richard! You look fantastic. You did miss me, right? Seeing as Emily is such a bore that she hasn't even said hi to you yet."

"Hope, it is very nice to see you."

My mother laughed nervously as she ushered everyone into the living room. "Lorelai, what would you like to drink?"

Lorelai Gilmore turned to my mother with an extremely cold look in her eyes. "Is it customary for you to call someone you've just met by their first name?"

I took a deep breath and watched my mother. She walked over to the drink cart. "No, it is not. That would be very rude. But we've met, don't you remember? We did go to Vassar together."

I jumped in hurriedly. "Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, I don't believe you've met my father or my sister."

My father shook Mr. Gilmore's hand. "Pleasure to meet you; I'm Cole Johansson."

Hope stuck out her hand too. "I'm Hope Johansson."

Lorelai Gilmore eyed Hope with disgust. "I barely have any recollection of meeting you, Victoria. That does not entitle us to be on first-name basis."

Hope rolled her eyes. "You just called her Victoria, so I guess you are on first-name basis."

Oh, Hope. It was a mistake letting you stay. "Richard! I haven't even said hello yet! How was your philosophy test? Let me get you your scotch."

My father called from the cart. "Coming right up, Emily."

Lorelai Gilmore looked astounded. "Well, it looks like you were completely unable to raise any of your children correctly, Victoria. And that is what we must talk about today."

I looked at Richard searchingly. "Richard."

He didn't even look at me. He again, was too much of a coward to stand up for me. And Hope looked like she was about to kill someone. Sadly enough, Lorelai Gilmore was not the first guest to criticize Hope's behavior. This night was going to be long and painful. And Richard's behavior might just change how much I really loved him.


	27. Victoria vs Lorelai

Hope cut in. "Is it customary for guests to come over and be as impolite as you are being right now? Because I could care less about customs, but I do know about hypocrites."

My mother looked like she was having trouble breathing, and my father took a deep drag of Richard's scotch, Mr. Gilmore looking like he would like to do the same. I stood there frozen, and glanced at Richard, who started laughing. "Hope, you are just joking, right?" "Hope's quite an interesting character, "he explained to his family. "She's not being serious."

My mother held onto the banister. "Hope, go up to your room and finish cleaning it while we wait for dinner, please."

"Oh, I'm not leaving. I don't think either of you can handle this."

I wanted to slap her, and then I found myself jealous of her courage. My mother gave her a stern glance. "Hope, don't talk back to me. Finish cleaning your room."

My father looked down at the now empty glass in his hand, and seemed to wake up. He quietly filled glasses for Richard and the rest of his family. Normally, I would have a martini but now it was time for me to focus on my family and somehow keeping Richard even though I was furious at him.

So I spoke up. "Why are we still standing? Let's sit and talk."

Richard sat next to me on the couch, and held hands with me. I wanted to sit as far away from him as possible, because I knew that whatever coming would not be pretty. I watched as my mother sat down. "_Mrs. Gilmore_, I am sorry for Hope's behavior. She is in that terrible rebellious teenage girl phase."

Lorelai raised an eyebrow. "One girl, it seems that you still have two. Are you going to apologize for Emily's behavior?"

Before anyone could speak up, I answered, "Mrs. Gilmore, I am an adult, and can decide whether or not I am going to apologize. I am truly sorry for leaving like that."

"Can we just have an enjoyable evening? None of these apologies are necessary," my father suggested.

Richard's father turned his attention towards me. "So, Emily, what are you studying in school?"

Was he going to be polite? I smiled sweetly at him. "History. I love learning about the past and the patterns of history."

"Yes, but will that get you any real-life job prospects?"

"Well, companies are always looking for good writers and researchers."

"That's all very fine, but that does not prepare you to run a household," Lorelai Gilmore said.

Why did I let my mother do this? "I've been preparing to run a household my whole life. I clean all the time, and I've learned from the best on how to throw parties."

Just then, the maid told us that dinner was ready. I was relieved, because I knew that a snide comment from Lorelai was coming.

I wanted to linger in the room to formulate some sort of plan with my mother, but Richard pulled me into the room. I wondered how holding his hand could still make me feel like I belonged with him while at the same time I was furious with him for not defending me. This would be my weakness.

I focused on ingesting every bit of my salad. Once the silence was getting unbearable, I moved on to my next strategy. Ignore his parents. Focus on the man who I love. I struck up an ordinary conversation with Richard, and he responded readily. Soon we were talking about drama that had gone down at Yale.

My mother gave me an approving glance. "And you know Melinda and Mitchell, I suppose? Aren't they the sweetest couple? They're very lucky to have found each other."

Richard nodded politely. "They do seem to be fitted for each other. I am not close friends with either of them, but I know Emily adores them."

This vein of conversation went on. At this point, Hope would usually say how bored she was, and then we'd be completely embarrassed. She didn't understand that this boredom was necessary with adults, and once it was done for long enough, it wasn't boring anymore, it was just the rules of society. However, tonight she was strangely silent. I knew that she'd speak up if the Gilmores tried to insult me or my mother again.

As the night went on, they said absolutely nothing to us. I found myself able to breathe. My dad ended up talking to Mr. Gilmore, but Lorelai didn't go as low as to try to insult him. He was an established businessman, and was so unlike his wife and daughters that she could tolerate him, I suppose.

I knew this wouldn't last, though. My mother had a point for this dinner. As expected, she finished her last bite of steak and said, "Richard, what are your plans for this summer? Are you planning on whisking Emily away anywhere? I'd love to know so I can plan our trip this summer?"

Before Richard could answer, Lorelai set down her glass of water. "Where are you going?"

My mother smiled politely at her. "We're going to our beach house up in Maine."

"Maine? What on earth is up there?"

My mother looked at me. It was my turn to answer for some reason. "There's the beautiful ocean, and the social scene that's growing there. It's not as popular as the Vineyard, but there is still plenty to do."

Before Mrs. Gilmore could respond, my mother turned to Richard. "Well?"

I smiled beseechingly at Richard. Surely he was planning on taking me somewhere? "Well, I haven't planned out all the logistics. But I would love to see Emily as much as possible."

Lorelai Gilmore harrumphed at that. "Richard, I thought that you and I were going to London."

"I'd love to, Mother. I'm just not sure I can go abroad when I should have a job by then."

His father spoke up. "If you'd just work in my company, Richard, I'd see that you could go abroad for as long as you'd like."

How amazing. I'd always wanted him to join his father. But I knew that Richard was interested in a slightly more client-based line of work. Besides, if he went to Europe, then I would be left out. And perhaps Pennilyn Lott would get invited as well.

I smiled at Richard for encouragement. He gave me a reassuring nod. "I have a few prospects. I might join Baker's Insurance Co. It has very good credentials. Besides, Floyd Stiles is working there now-remember he graduated a few years ago? We've always dreamed of working together, and who knows? This job may lead to something good."

Such a satisfactory answer. It was too bad that I was the one who had to somehow prove myself today. "Richard, that's just fabulous. Amanda Baker is like another mother to me. I'm sure she could put in a good word to Steven Baker for you. Not that you'd need it, of course."

My mother smiled at me. Rule # 1. Show that you have clout."

Hope rolled her eyes. "Is that truly your life's ambition, Richard? To work with the Bakers and insure people against fires? What about books? And writing? I know that's what you really love to do. Even Emily, the perfect little housewife, would agree with me."

"Hope, that's absurd. I support Richard in whatever he does. He likes working with insurance and dealing with people. He's an amazing deal breaker. After all, he did get me to go out with him."

Had I gone too far? I looked at my mother again, and she was smiling. So maybe I had to brag a little. Lorelai Gilmore finished her dinner, and looked around the room in distaste, on the warpath again. "Richard doesn't need your sorry influence, Emily. He has mine everywhere. You can do so much better than the Bakers, Richard."

"Trix, don't you see? The Baker's are a good starting point for Floyd and I to start an empire. We'll learn the tricks, and then we'll take over. Complete annihilation."

He was so cold-hearted. And so mine. Hope spoke up again. "I love the spirit, Richard. And I could care less, but Amanda Baker is our mother's best friend. Complete annihilation most likely does not please her."

"Thank you for your concern, Hope. Richard, it certainly is an ambitious plan. If you really want this job, I would focus on it, and not how you are going to ruin your employers." Her tone had changed, and I could tell, for the first time, she saw the Lorelai in Richard. And I did, too. I just knew that Richard could do anything he wanted.

"How dare you talk to Richard like he's your son? He is temporarily dating your daughter because he is young, and is not using his brain like a Gilmore should. He sees her physical attributes. Pennilyn Lott is his true soul mate."

This again? I honestly was bored. I looked at Richard. "Richard?"

He laughed. "Trix, really. Pennilyn and I are not together anymore."

The two fathers looked utterly lost. What was up with the loss of any male courage here tonight? My mother certainly wasn't lacking any. "Lorelai Gilmore, you are going to get one thing straight. Your constant bullying is not going to deter Richard and Emily's budding relationship. In fact, through my eyes, they are a strong enough couple that they might just last. Young Richard is talking about ruining a company before he even has a job, which shows exactly who he's been raised under."

Richard held up his hand. "Mrs. Johansson, Trix just has my best interests in hand."

Trix. Trix. Trix. Does he have a love affair with his mother? "Richard. If you truly love me, then you will not defend your mother over me."

When he said nothing, then I gave up, and didn't look at him, because if I did, I would want to kiss him way too much. Damn hormones. My mother took one look at me, and turned back to Lorelai. "It was such a nice visit, wasn't it? Well, I suppose I'll see you again, unfortunately, once Richard and Emily work everything out and get married, which they definitely will. Goodbye."

They left in a huff. I started to go to my room, and find a phone to call Sweetie with. I did not need to discuss this with my parents. As I headed up the steps, a strong arm grabbed me. "Richard! I don't need this right now! You've chosen your mother. Go and find Pennilyn Lott. I'm sure she's still pining."

"Emily. I am not going to disrespectfully talk to my mother. She has my best interests at heart, and I have to follow them. But with you, I won't. I just don't want to yell at her in public."

"I have no problem doing that."

"I know, Emily. I find it impossible to walk away from you like that. I have my own car, remember?"

Before I could succumb to his charms again, I took a deep breath. "If you want my mother to support us, then you are not going to ruin the Bakers. In fact, you might want to take a job with someone that I don't know, so I don't have to feel awful about you hurting them. Not that I care. It's just that my mother would. She's far too fainthearted to deal in business."

"She didn't seem fainthearted tonight. In fact, she was strong, beautiful, and fiery. Just like you."

I wanted to kill him, but mostly I needed to forget tonight. I kissed him quickly. "You need to leave. I can't not be angry at you, Richard, no matter how much I love you. There are just some things that are not done, and your family crossed that line tonight. I don't know if I can handle this, Richard. Right now, I know that you love me. But you didn't act that way tonight."

I held the door open for him. "Goodbye. Good luck with your biology exam."


	28. Annoying But Mine

And so it goes. Richard failed to defend me again. And I still loved him. I couldn't imagine life without him. My mother even seemed to understand that.

She came into my room that night before I left to go off and finish school. "Emily, I know that you love Richard very much, and he's a great boy. He needs some work with his business skills, but he's a good boy. He can't be perfect."

"I don't want him to be perfect. He's far more interesting than Samuel, who was the perfect catch. I just hate seeing you get so angry."

My mother laughed. "Oh, Emily, I'm already over tonight. Lorelai Gilmore can't win. Richard won't leave you, and I know you won't leave him. Even if you don't work out, it won't be because of her. I'm not angry. I won."

And she did win. I just didn't have much time for Richard. My senior year in college was ending. After this, I entered society. My brain told me to spend all my possible time with Richard. I needed to woo him! I couldn't leave college without a marriage proposal! I couldn't get a job like a working class girl. My heart wanted to spend my time with the girls. I had finally gotten their love back, and while I'd love to spend all my free time with Richard, I had missed the gossip, and the friendships.

Lauren, Sweetie, and I had plans for some fun and gossip in New York City over the next weekend. We wanted to go shopping and spend lots of money to commemorate our achievement.

Richard and I were sitting in the park at Yale when I told him we were going. "Emily, I was hoping that we could spend that weekend together here."

I smiled, and gave him a kiss. "You can go a weekend without me. I'm sure that you and that fraternity will find some entertainment. I want to spend some time with my friends before I leave Smith forever."

Richard sighed. "Emily, your friends are frivolous. When we first started dating, you weren't even speaking with Lauren."

"I've known Lauren longer than I've known Sweetie. We stopped speaking because I started dating you. I finally have it all back, Richard. I don't know how, but they've accepted me, and now Pennilyn is just a lame little girl who can't use me as a source of gossip anymore."

Richard checked his watch. "Was your main goal to hurt Pennilyn, because that's the last thing I wanted to do."

"That's not my point. My point is that I want to go to New York with my friends, and that's what I'm going to do. It's not as if you control where I go, Richard. Why can't you spend a weekend without me?"

"Emily, you're irresistible, and I don't want to spend time with anyone else. Why do you have to go? I have plans for us."

I sighed. "I'd love to spend time with you, Richard. My friends are not frivolous, and we've been planning this for a while. What plans could you possibly have that we can't do any other time? We have a whole summer ahead of us."

He was so infuriating. My friends? Frivolous. As if. He had dated Pennilyn Lott, who had absolutely no brains, and he was calling us frivolous. Sweetie was well on her way to becoming the perfect society wife. Lauren, who was surprisingly single, which might have been my fault as she had pined over Samuel the entire time I'd been dating him, was going to spend a year traveling abroad with Corinne. When she came back, she had many choices. She might need a career, but with her looks, she'd catch a man, and perhaps a European one. And as for me? A career was completely unacceptable. It might be fine for Lauren, but I was from an extremely reputable family. We obviously weren't up to Lorelai Gilmore's standards, but we were something important. Frivolous? I think not.

Richard took my hand. "I'm very much looking forward to this summer. But I have very important plans for next week."

"So do I. They are not frivolous plans. Do you really want to see me in clothes from last season, Richard? I don't think so. I need a break with my best friends. Mitchell is Sweetie's wife, and he's perfectly fine with her leaving."

"Emily, Mitchell is a dull bore and I do not like getting compared to him. And no, I don't care what fashions you want to get, in fact, I'd rather see you without any clothes at all."

Disgusting. This was not how one treated a lady, even though I agreed that the shirt he was wearing did get in the way. "I'm leaving next week. Why are we arguing instead of enjoying today?"

"Emily Johannson, I will not let you leave. I have plans."

Evasive. "Well, what plans do you have that you can't change? If they're so important, you could have told me about them before! I came here for a nice afternoon, and when you're ready to accept that I don't have to do everything that you do, then you can call me, and I'll choose to answer."

I stood up. Richard looked at me in shock. "That's right. I'm not going to be meek and blush and do your every wish like Pennilyn Lott did. You chose me. Well, this is what you get."

I started to walk away, but Richard pulled me back. He wasn't going to let me leave. I was in a relationship with a possessive, angry man. He let go of my arm, and I was prepared to get out of Yale as fast as I could when he put his hand in his pocket, thrust out a box, and said, "Emily, will you marry me?"

He was so completely exasperating. "Fine!" I shouted, not even thinking. Of course I would marry him. I loved him more than anything. But right now, I was mad at him. I took a deep breath and let it sink in as he grinned triumphantly.


End file.
